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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Proof_Bug_8733 on 2024-09-15 04:50:05+00:00.

I (18m) work at a pizza place, and there is only one bathroom. When I got to work and clocked in, I needed to take a shit, …baaad. I proceeded to push out what felt like an entire child, and when I saw the size of it, I was surprised my ass hole didn’t rip open! I flushed the commercial grade toilet, and sure enough, it got clogged.

Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve clogged this very toilet. In fact, last time I had to go to the Walmart across the street and buy a plunger. “Good thing I bought this plunger, I’ll just quickly unclog this” I thought. But no, it wasn’t that easy. All of the contents went down the toilet, so I could no longer see it, but the massive shit-missile had such a tight seal on the toilet pipes, that no amount of plunging was going to help.

I was freaking out, because I had been in the bathroom a while, trying to plunge this stupid fucking toilet. I googled ways to unclog a toilet, and I got the run-of-the-mill results. “Use hot water and dish soap” and “call a fucking professional” but I was obviously trying to keep this situation under raps, and I would prefer if it didn’t become a news headline. “A local delivery driver breaks the world record for the largest shit log ever recorded in human history, the toilet was irreparably damaged.”

In the bathroom, there was a floor-level sink with a mop bucket. I put blazing hot water into the mop bucket and dumped it in the toilet, hoping to boil the shit loose, I guess. What do you know, …nothing fucking happened. That shit log was acting like it thought could save the world by clinging to the sides of the pipe or whatever. At this point, I had spent over 25 minutes in the bathroom trying to plunge the toilet, and I decided that it wasn’t working.

I came out of the bathroom, and luckily nobody was waiting to use it. I grabbed a bottle of heavy duty degreaser, and dumped a generous amount into the toilet. I then let it soak for a half hour while I took a delivery. When I got back, I tried to plunge it again, but it was just as stubborn as when I started. Feel free to say I’m an unintelligent species, but I literally gave up. There was the perfect amount of water in the toilet to look like it wasn’t clogged until you flushed it.

I kind of feel like I may have booby-trapped the toilet, but what was I supposed to do? Go to the manager and be like “hey, so I layed the fattest shit humanly possible in the toilet and now it’s permanently clogged.” I worked the rest of my 5 hour shift, and nobody mentioned anything, so for all I know the toilet is still occupied by the nachos I ate last night.

TLDR; I clogged the work toilet with the world’s most enormous shit, and I think it’s still clogged.