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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pleasant-Vanilla-216 on 2023-08-04 13:31:08.

So this happened 18 months ago but my in laws are still criticising me for it and have even used this as an example of when I have misbehaved in an effort to influence the opinion of my husband this week.

Last year I (33f) has a 3 month old baby and was in the depths of PPD. I hadn’t met my in laws that much because they live in another country, but they wanted to come and see the baby, which I was more than happy to accommodate. I prepared the spare bedroom for them, bought lots of food for their arrival and cooked all of their meals during their stay, which was exhausting while juggling a new baby and really struggling with breastfeeding, but I was happy to do it for my in-laws.

My ownership of the house predates my relationship with my husband and is a large 6 bedroom house with 4 bathrooms. We have one, we keep one for guests and the other 4 are rented out to lodgers. All lodgers were carefully selected and are like part of our family, they were very kind to my in-laws during their stay.

Now the issue; my MIL(61) didn’t want to share a bathroom with my lodgers and wanted to use my en-suite (which would involve walking through my bedroom and my dressing room). For health reasons she likes to lay down after a shower and didn’t want to use any of the other 3 bathrooms because it would either involve walking through the house in a dressing gown or the pyjamas that she’d slept in, or having to get dressed and undressed again (the spare bedroom is on the top floor next to the master so this would have been somewhat negated by using the en-suite). Normally I am not precious about these things but pretty much all the time I was in my room I had my boobs out desperately trying to feed my son. I was still leaking lots so the entire room smelled of off milk and there was often washing all over the place from where I was struggling to keep up with things. I really didn’t like the idea of this space being intruded upon and politely declined, saying she was very welcome to use any one of the other bathrooms. Initially she burst into tears about this and I was made to feel really bad for saying no, but knowing it would make me unable to cope with the visit I stuck to my guns.

At the end of the 4/5 day visit I was getting ready to drive them to the airport for their flight home and my MIL pointed out how uncomfortable she was staying in my home and that it was an uncomfortable place for her to be. This really hurt me because not only did I expend lots of energy on hosting, but also, I’ve spent a lot of time and money renovating my home to a high standard over the last 5 years and am very proud of it.

The fact that my in laws are still adamant I was an AH for this make me wonder whether it might be the case, so I thought I’d throw it out there……