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The original was posted on /r/newzealand by /u/Nagol1996 on 2024-09-19 23:49:46+00:00.

Hey everyone

It’s been two years and two months since I gave up alcohol after a five year battle with alcoholism. I thought that by now, I’d be more comfortable in my own skin and that life would be better, but I’m still struggling immensely.

I’ll break down my struggles the best I can. First, I currently have a few criminal convictions to my name, and I’m struggling with the fact that for the next five years (after which the Clean Slate Act kicks in and my convictions are sealed), no one will hire me. I’m currently a dairy farmer and it’s my dream to work for Halter, but it’s unlikely that they’ll hire me until my criminal record is sealed. Although I don’t hate my job as a dairy farmer, I know I don’t want to do it for the next five years because of the detrimental affect that it has on my social life and the time that I have to pursue hobbies. Because of my convictions, I’m too scared to even express my interest to potential employers and this has resulted in me feeling rather stuck.

Secondly, I’m really struggling with the dating scene. I seem to have no problem attracting women, but nothing ever sticks. I try my best to be a kind, loving, caring and loyal man and I actively work on myself. But still, no success. I’m almost 30, and I don’t want to be alone forever. The constant rejection is really starting to take a mental and emotional toll, and I’ve bowed out of dating as a result.

Third, I really struggle with my self worth. Not a day goes by where I don’t beat myself up over my past - the people that I hurt and the extent to which I fucked up my life. Despite the fact that I’ve made positive change in my life, I really don’t believe that I’m worthy of love, success, and happiness. My past still follows me, and it’s a bitter reality.

Fourth, I really struggle to accept who I am. I have Asperger’s, ADHD, Tourettes Syndrome, a history of depression, and obviously addiction issues. I feel so different to everyone else, and I’m constantly scared that no one will ever like or accept me for who I am. As such, I don’t have any friends and I struggle to put myself into social situations.

All of this is really taking it’s toll. As such, I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin and I’m finding life to be mundane and an immense struggle.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to achieve by writing this post. Perhaps I’m looking for advice on how best to keep moving forward, or perhaps I’m just looking for reassurance that life will get better if I keep doing the right things. At this point, I’ll take any words of wisdom.

P.S. I’m not looking for pity. I’m well aware that my I fucked my own life, and I only blame myself. In saying this, please be nice.

Thanks