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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Icy_Theory1918 on 2023-08-04 17:30:27.

For context, this is a 4 year relationship and we live together. I pay for utilities, she buys groceries, we both split rent and pay for our personal bills on our own. We have a joint account where we save for a future home. Finances has never been a huge issue.

My girlfriend and I are not flat broke, but we are in a place where saving money is a priority. She budgets beautifully, and is wonderful with saving money, therefore is fair to say she has more money then I do.

My girlfriend makes it a point to make us go out to dinner once a week or every other week. She takes me to places I like, or a place we both equally enjoy. She always offers to pay, I always let her. She’s not like normal girls who does the check dance but still expects the man to pay. Whenever the bill comes the waiter hands me the check and without missing a beat she always asks, “Do you want me to pay?” I always agree, I think this is such a nice perk in the relationship. I like when she takes me on dates, it makes me feel good about saving money. I have good food, she spends the whole evening asking about me, complimenting me, and planning our future. She’s very sweet and does so much for me.

The problem came up last night when she had a huge craving for appetizers and margaritas. She complained about spending her day off cleaning the entire kitchen and she didn’t want to dirty any other dishes. She suggested we go out, and I didn’t see a problem with it. We had a great meal. Between the two of us we had a few margaritas and the bill was adding up. Before the bill came she asked if I would mind if we split the check, and began to explain how much these nights out are really eating away at her food budget.

This is where I got confused. She invited me out to dinner, made the suggestion, and is insisting we split the check? I would have denied the offer if I knew I would have to pay. She also jabbed at me for always letting her pay, and never once offering. She feels she’s being taken advantage of and if it wasn’t for her, we would never go on dates because she’s the one who makes plans and pays. Is it really so awful that I don’t want to pay for every single date, and saving money is important to me?

We had a small argument, she got really upset, paid the check, and we walked home without speaking. I said we just won’t go out to dinner anymore, this suggestion or any other suggestions wasn’t helpful.

She’s been distant and incredibly upset and is now mentioning the weirdest problems and making me feel like a bad boyfriend. She’s even mentioned wanting to break up, over a $90 check? This is news to me, but overnight I became an unappreciative and ignorant boyfriend who never helps out, or makes her feel special. But we go out for dates every week?

Please let me know AITA for getting upset with my girlfriend for wanting to split the check?

EDIT: This post hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve never felt so terrible about how I’ve treated my partner. I was so hung up on the principle of her always paying for my meals, and suddenly changing the dynamic.

I was so hung up on the idea of wanting to save money and being impressed albeit jealous of the fact she always had so much money saved.

I have reached out to her with an apology, and have insisted that we have an at home date with a bottle of wine, our two laptops, and a budgeting spreadsheet so we can both be on the same page.

I really admire how equitable she’s been in the relationship, and have never had anyone treat me the way she does in a relationship. It felt so good to be taken care of, but as many of you painfully pointed out, IATA, and she deserves some reciprocity.