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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Former-Emu-6417 on 2023-08-04 21:07:08.

My [37F] husband [37M], Vincent, is paraplegic and has been since he was in a car crash when we were 14 (if it’s at all relevant, we’ve been best friends since we were 9). He, of course, uses a wheelchair and by now is pretty used to either awkward looks or (usually) innocent questions about what happened, if he can feel anything, etc.

This morning/early afternoon, my work had a little party thing for us all to celebrate because it’s the anniversary of the veterinary hospital I work at. It was a barbecue picnic thing at a local park for everyone who works there and their families. I’ve worked there about 10 years and know everyone there quite well (as does Vincent), so we were pretty happy to have a nice lunch.

Miles [late 20sM] is the new receptionist at the clinic, he’s been here since February (or maybe March - not long, anyway) while the other 9 people who work here have been here at least 2 years or so each. Miles generally seems like a nice guy, but he can be pretty nosy at times. In general, that doesn’t really bother me, everyone has their quirks.

Today was the first time Vincent and Miles met. Miles had a lot of nosy questions for Vincent (e.g., what happened? Can you really not feel anything below your waist? Was it hard finding an apartment around here? Is there an abrupt line where you can feel everything and then nothing or is there part of your body where you can kind of feel something but not completely like when your foot is asleep? and so on). It was a bit weird for Vincent as it usually is, but he’s pretty good-natured about answering questions like that, even when the person asking has a lot of them.

Now, multiple times during the conversation, myself, Vincent, and some of my coworkers tried to change the topic. Miles would usually play along for a bit, but would have another question whenever there was a lull in the conversation.

At one point, Miles asked Vincent “So, how does that work in the bedroom? Can you get - you know?”

Now, obviously it’s weird and uncomfortable to have a person you don’t know well ask about your sex life, but Vincent is also incredibly sensitive about it, and his feelings about himself because of the way our sex life is as a result of his paraplegia is something he has long has struggles with. For the record, I absolutely love our sex life, but still, he feels bad about himself.

I immediately said “Miles, do you have to be such a creep?” Miles then got upset and told me that I was being an ass for leaping to that, then Vincent and I left pretty shortly after. Vincent, for the record, was very thankful for what I said, and one of our coworkers texted me to say that he understood where I was coming from, but thought I was probably being too mean too fast. AITA?