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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/iifinch on 2024-09-24 15:57:32+00:00.

It was 2 AM in the morning, and I was either about to ruin my friend group or start something new and strange.

Exhausted but unwilling to go to sleep, I pushed off my blanket to only cover my legs and sat up on the couch I laid in. Less than two feet apart from me was the owner of the apartment I was in, a girl I was starting to have feelings for.

I was either getting love or sex. Sex would be a natural consequence of lowered inhibitions, the chill of her apartment that these thin blankets couldn’t dampen, and the fact we found ourselves closer and closer on her couch. The frills of our blankets touched like fingers.

Love would be a natural consequence of our common interests, our budding friendship—for the last three weeks, I had texted her nearly every hour of every day, smiling the whole time—and most importantly, our little game we’d been playing since I got here. Who’s the bigger freak? Who can say the most crude and wild thing imaginable? It started off as jokes. She told me A. I told her B. And we kept it going, seeing who could weird out the other.

Then we moved to truths and then to secrets, and is there really any greater love than that, to share secrets? To expose your greatest mistakes to someone else, and ask for them to accept you anyway.

I didn’t quite know how I felt about her yet in a romantic sense. She was a friend of a friend. I was told by my friend to not try to date her because she wasn’t my type and it would just end in heartbreak and might destroy the friend group. The funny thing is I know she was told the same. 

Mabel- the girl who laid beside me- texted me casually earlier that day. She mentioned she didn’t know what movie to watch. I knew what movie I wanted to watch. I’d pick and pay for the movie, she’d host and cook. Now, here we were about to start love or sex. It’s never both this early.

“That was probably my worst relationship,” she said, pulling the covers close to her. “Honestly, I think he was a bit of a porn addict too.” Her face glowed. “What’s the nastiest thing you’ve watched?”

I bit my lip, gritted my teeth, and strained in the light of the TV. Our game was unspoken, but the rules were obvious—you can’t just back down from a question like that.

I said my sin to her and then asked, “What’s yours?”

She groaned at mine and then made two genuinely funny jokes at my expense.

“Nah, nah, nah,” I said between laughs. “What’s yours?”

“No judgments?” she asked.

“No judgments,” I said.

“And you won’t tell the others?”

“I promise.”

“Pinky promise,” she said and leaned in close. I liked her smile. It was a little big, a little malicious. I liked that. I leaned forward and our pinkies interlocked. My heart raced. Love or sex fast approaching.

She said what it was. Sorry to leave you in the dark, reader, but the story’s best details are yet to come.

She was so amazed at her confession. She said, “Jesus Christ” after it.

“Yeah, you need him,” I joked back. Her face went dark.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“What? Just a joke.”

“No, it’s not. I can see it in your eyes you’re judging me.” She pulled away from me. The chill of her room felt stronger than before. And my chances at sex or love moved away with her.

“Dude, no,” I said. “You made jokes about me and I made one about you.”

She eyed me softer then, but her eyes still held a skeptical squint.

“Sorry,” she said, “I just know you’re religious so I thought you were going to try to get me to go to church or something.”

“Uh, no, not really.” Good ol’ guilt settled in because her ‘salvation’ was not my priority. I am Christian, just not good at it. I’m not too shabby at the love-everyone part though, so that’s half the battle. Well, at least I was good at loving your neighbor, but we’ll get there.

“Oh,” she slid beside me again. Face soft, her constant grin back on. “I just had some friends really try to force church on me and I didn’t like that. I won’t step foot in a church.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that.”

“There’s one in particular I hate. Calgary.”

“Oh, uh, why?” I froze. I hope I didn’t show it in my face, but I was scared as hell she knew my secret. I just took a job at Calgary.

“They just suck,” she said, noncommittal.

Did she know?

“What makes them suck?”

She took a deep breath and told me her story—

At ten years old, I wanted to kill myself. I had made a makeshift noose in my closet. I poured out my crate of DVDs on the floor and brought the crate into the closet so I could stand on it. I flipped the crate upside down so it rested just below the noose. I stepped up and grabbed the rope. I was numb until that moment. My mom left, my family hated me, and I feared my dad was going insane. The holes in the wall, welts in his own skin, and a plethora of reptiles he let roam around our house were proof.

And it was so hot. He kept it as hot as hell in that house. My face was drenched as I stepped up the crate to hang myself. I hoped heaven would be cold.

Heaven. That’s what made me stop. I would be in heaven and my Dad would be here. I didn’t want to go anywhere without my Dad, even heaven.

 Tears gushed from my face and mixed with my salty skin to make this weird taste. I don’t know why I just remember that.

Anyway, I lept off the crate and ran to my dad.

I ran from the closet and into the muggy house. A little girl who needed a hug from her dad more than anything in the world. It was just him and me after all.

Reptile terrariums littered the house; my dad kept buying them. We didn’t even have enough places to put them anymore. I leaped over a habitat of geckos and ran around the home of bearded dragons. It was stupid. I hated the feeling that I was always surrounded by something inhuman crawling around. It hurt that I felt like my dad cared about them more than me. But I didn’t care about any of that; I needed my dad.

I pushed through the door of his room, but his bed was vacated, so that meant he was probably in his tub, but I knew getting clean was the last thing on his mind.

I carried the rope with me, still in the shape of a noose. I wanted him to see, to see what almost happened.

I crashed inside.

“Mabel, stop!” he said when I took half a step in. “I don’t want you to step on Leviathan.” Leviathan was his python. My eyes trailed from the yellow tail in front of me to the body that coiled around my dad. Leviathan clothed my dad. It wrapped itself around his groin, waist, arms, and neck.

And it was a tight hold. I had seen my father walk and even run with Leviathan on him. Today, he just sat in the tub, watching it or watching himself. I’m unsure; his mental illness confused me as a child, so I never really knew what he was doing.

I was the one who almost made the great permanent decision that night, but my dad looked worse than me. His veins showed and he appeared strained as if in a state of permanent uncomfortably, he sweat as much as I did, and I think he was having trouble breathing. The steam that formed in the room made it seem like a sauna.

He was torturing himself, all for Leviathan’s sake.

“Dad, I—”

“Close the door!” My dad barked, between taking a large, uncomfortable breath. “You’ll make it cold for Leviathan.”

“Yes, sir.” I did as he commanded and shut the door. Then I ran to him.

“Stop,” he raised his hand to me, motioning for me to be still. He looked at Leviathan, not me. It was like they communed with one another.

I was homeschooled so there wasn’t anyone to talk to about it, but it’s such a hard thing to be afraid of your parents and be afraid for your parents and to need them more than anything.

“Come in, honey,” he said after his mental deliberation with the snake.

And I did, feeling an odd shame and relief. I raised the noose up and I couldn’t find the right words to express how I felt.

I settled on, “I think I need help.”

“Oh, no,” my dad said and rose from the tub. So quick, so intense. For a heartbeat, I was so scared I almost ran away. Then I saw the tears in his eyes and saw he was more like my dad than he had been in a long time.

He hugged me and everything was okay. It was okay. I was sad all the time, but it was going to be okay. The house was infested, a sauna, and a mess, but life is okay with love, y’know?

He cried and I cried, but snakes can’t cry so Leviathan rested on his shoulder.

After an extended hug, he took Leviathan off and said he needed to make a call. When he came back, he told me to get in the car with him. I obeyed as I was taught to.

We rode in his rickety pickup truck in the dead of night in complete silence until he broke it.

“I was bad, Mabel Baby,” he said.

“What?”

“As a kid, I wasn’t right,” he said. My father randomly twitched. Like someone overdosing on drugs if you’ve seen that.

He flew out of his lane. I grabbed the handle for stability. The oncoming semi approached, honked at us. I braced for impact. He whipped the car back over. His cold coffee cup fell and spilled in my seat. My head banged against the window.

It hurt and I was confused. What was happening? The world looked funny. My eyes teared up again, making the night a foggy mess.

“I wasn’t good as a child, Mabel Baby. I was different from the others. I saw things, I felt things differently. Probably like you.”

He turned to me and extended his hand. I flinched under it, but he merely rubbed my forehead.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said, hands on the wheel again, still twitching, still flinching. "You know you’re the most precious thing in the world…

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