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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kindly-Matter-9619 on 2023-08-04 23:49:53.

Hi, so to keep things brief something happened recently between me and my teenage daughter, Sarah. I’m feeling quite torn about it, and I’m not sure if I handled the situation the right way. Background: I’m a 40-year-old single dad, and I’ve been raising Sarah since her mom passed away a years ago. She’s my everything, and I love her to bits. Lately, though, I’ve noticed that Sarah has been putting on some extra weight, and it’s been a concern for me.

You see, I struggled with my own weight and body image when I was younger, and I don’t want Sarah to go through the same difficulties. But I also understand that talking about someone’s weight can be a sensitive issue, especially with teenagers who are already going through so much.

Here’s what happened: Last night, we were getting ready for a family gathering, and Sarah picked out a dress to wear. As she put it on, I noticed it was a bit tight on her, and that worried me about her health. Without really thinking, I jokingly blurted out, “Sarah, maybe you should consider losing some weight. That dress looks a little tight on you.”

My heart sank immediately when I saw the tears welling up in her eyes. She rushed to her room, refusing to come out for the gathering. And to make things worse, some of my relatives who were there criticized me for my comment, saying I should have been more understanding and supportive.

They were probably right. Maybe I should have approached the situation differently instead of jumping straight into the weight issue, but I still do genuinely care about Sarah’s health, and I worry about her well-being. Even though I realize now that my words may have hurt her more than I intended. I guess I’m wondering if I’m really the jerk in this situation since I didn’t have any bad intentions when I made that comment.

Edit 1: I see a lot of comments saying 140 is a healthy weight and that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that. I’ve been told by certain individuals that at 17, girls should weigh around 120 to 130Ibs at the maximum. That’s one of the reasons why I thought my daughter was overweight. Also for clarity, my daughter’s weight being 140 was a guesstimate by me that was probably inaccurate. If she stepped on a scale she’d probably weigh something along 150 which I don’t believe is the average weight for a 17 year old girl. I appreciate the insight I’ve received, but just wanted to clear things up for people assuming my basis for being worried about her health is wrong.