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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-09-27 04:02:01+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/itsnotyou0
AITA for getting angry at my wife for kissing her best friend
Originally posted to r/AITAH
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: possible infidelity
Original Post Aug 21, 2024
Me(30m) and my wife(28f) have been married for 2 years and dating 4 years before that. Let’s call her Maya. Maya has a best friend named Ella(28f). They met in middle school while I only met Maya in college. They’re really close but always say that their relationship is platonic. Ella is really touchy and likes to get real close to her friends a lot, especially with Maya. Now, I don’t really mind the hugs and occasional kisses on the cheek. But what really bugged me was when Ella kissed Maya, lips to lips. I’d like to add that Maya is bisexual.
You may say that I’m just being insecure. But if I just kiss my girl friend just because and say we’re platonic friends, most people will say that’s cheating. And that’s what I feel. So that kiss happened when we were hanging out with mutual friends. When we went home, I expressed my concerns to Maya. I told her that the kiss made me really uncomfortable and I don’t want her to do that anymore. Surprisingly, Maya got really defensive. Saying that it didn’t mean anything and “it’s just what girl friends do.” We had a little back and forth leading to me sleeping on the couch. But I don’t really think I’m in the wrong here. AITA?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Tfuentexxx
IT’S CHEATING. Period. The excuse of it’s not cheating if it’s with another woman or a person of the same sex does not work any longer in today’s world.
Also, OP also failed to add that Maya is bi, but his wife also is bi, he just doesn’t know, didn’t want to say or is playing dumb.
OOP
Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t really know and I didn’t want to assume anything. Also I think you were mistaken. Maya is my wife and Ella is her best friend. Maya was open to me about her being bisexual long before we started dating. I don’t know anything about Ella though. We don’t really talk much unless it concerns Maya. (ex. asking about gift ideas, etc.)
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throwaway6491992858
idk lol i kiss my girl friends occasionally but never in a weird sexual way. more like i love you bye ! especially if she’s known her since middle school, i don’t see it as being that weird.
note to add, i dont MAKEOUT kiss them lol, its a peck on the lips. nothing weird about it
OOP
I think that’s how Maya thinks about this. But it’s honestly weird to me for someone who is married to do that. It would’ve been fine if she said she understood my boundaries but it’s really weird she got defensive about it.
We talked a bit yesterday, but it seems like she’s still angry. I’ll try talking to her again today.
Update Sept 20, 2024 (1 month later)
Since, someone asked: here’s an update. It’s been about a month since I last posted and a lot has happened since then.
I stood my ground against Maya and demanded an apology from her. We got to arguing and she left to stay with a friend. Guess what? She went to Ella! I honestly can’t with the audacity. Your partner is worried you might be cheating on them, but instead of reassuring them, you went to that person’s house to cool off after your argument!?
To be honest, I was still second guessing my confrontation, so I talked with some friends and reminded me that what I did was right. They gave me some advise such as if I really want the marriage to work, we could go to couple’s therapy, or if my line ends here I should just get divorced. You might not have agreed with me, but I chose the former. I tried to contact Maya but to no avail. Instead, Ella called me and cursed me on the phone. Telling me that I’m an asshole for arguing about their so called “friendship”. About a week later, Maya contacted me and said that my blatant “gaslighting” and “insecurity” led her to believe that we shouldn’t be together and that she will be divorcing me.
We are currently in the divorce process. Maya will not talk to me unless it is by her lawyer. Our mutual friends are siding with me, so I’m grateful for that. Honestly, even if Maya did or didn’t cheat on me, I wouldn’t care anymore. This whole situation changed my image of her. I do not think we can work this out with all that has happened.
And to those who might be asking: no, she was not like this before. We have gotten into arguments as normal couples do, but we have work through those together. Maybe me addressing Maya and Ella’s relationship hit a nerve that she didn’t knew existed. But alas, our relationship has hit not a bump but almost a mountain. I will be going through with the divorce and will not be posting any update soon nor later. Thank you for the advise, as well as validation for my feelings.
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