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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-09-28 04:01:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP’s, OOP’S are: u/namechangedthrowaway & u/throaway5820
My [20M] family is upset with my for trying to change my name.
My [52M] son [19M] got home today and insisted on changing his name - rareddit Jan 1, 2017
Posted by u/namechangedthrowaway
When my son got back from a new year’s party today, he asked for a talk. We sat down, and he said that with a new year, he’s changing his name to something completely different to what his name currently is.
For some context, this is a name that has been passed down for several generations in the family. I’m the 6th, and he’s the 7th. It really meant a lot to me that i was able to continue the tradition with him, and I was hoping that he would continue the tradition with his own children. When I brought it up with him, he said that he’d always hoped he only has daughters just to not have to pass it on. As we talked, he said he’s always hated having the same name as someone else, and wanted to pick something new. I just don’t get it. Having the family name always made me feel more connected to the family and its history.
Now I’m left heartbroken that he wants to do this. Is there anything I can say to him, or a way I can approach this with him? I know I can’t stop him from filing the paperwork, but the fact that he wants to change it at all is very upsetting to me
tl;dr: Son wants to change his name, ending the family tradition of the name being passed on. I’m very upset and don’t know how to talk to him about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
BorealNights
This is his choice and his choice alone. Pressuring him to keep his current name will only alienate him from you. Truthfully, and I mean no offense, it seems a bit controlling that you would want him to keep his current name. Don’t you want him to be happy? Respect his choice and his autonomy. He will only respect you more for doing so.
OOP
I do want him to be happy, and I don’t really feel that i’m pressuring him, but I still want to have a proper discussion with him about it. This is a big change, and it really hurts me to see the tradition end right here
~
dopamine-delight
Well, what’s the name?
I knew a guy who’s name was Paul Ennis… and it didn’t dawn on me until we have to fill out paperwork together in which our first name was abbreviated: P. Ennis aka Penis.
Said it was a family tradition name, the third in line. Fuck that.
Not saying that’s your name but… it’s not similar, is it?
OOP
No no, it’s nothing like that. Our name is William, and the middle name doesn’t combine with it in any unfortunate way.
My [20M] family is upset with my for trying to change my name. Jan 31, 2017
Posted by u/throaway5820
I’ve always hated my name. I was name after my dad, and he was after his own, etc… for 8 generations. We all have exactly the same name (first middle and last.)
Growing up, I hated being called Junior, and now it’s a pain because our mail keeps getting mixed up, and because you never really know who’s being addressed when dad, grandad and I are all in the same room. On top of that, there’s a part of me that feels like i have no identity, In a way I feel like I was just born to fill a quota, or just to be a link in the chain, and not because I was actually desired as a person. I hope that makes sense.
I know for sure that I’m supposed to carry on the tradition, but there’s no way I will. I actually do want kids some day, but if I have a boy, he’s sure as hell getting his own name.
But honestly, I want my own name. I have looked into having mine legally changed, and when my parents found out, they were pissed. I keep getting inundated with comments, ether in person or text of “how can you turn your back on your family like this?” I keep being told that I’m being disrespectful to all the namesakes that came before me. My problem with that is no on can tell me a single thing about them. Other than their names being the same as mine, no one has any information about them or their lives, so it just strikes me as a completely hollow argument.
I’ve tried to be as rational about this as I can. Honestly, I’ve even approached my parents and said that I’m willing to work with them to pick a new name for myself so that they can still have the role of having named me. But they won’t budge.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? I hate just being the next link in the chain, and on top of that, feeling that the names for my own children are being being predetermined, rather that being left to me and my (hypothetical) future wife. Can I do anything to keep the peace? Regardless, I am still determined to change my own name, I just don’t want to cause a huge family rift hen I do. — tl;dr: I am Andrew Jefferson VIII (fake name obviously) and I hate it. I’m trying to change my name but my family is making life a living hell. Help?
RELEVANT COMMENT
OOP when asked what changing his name will accomplish
It’ll give me leverage when I insist that I’ called something else. Yes, my friends will respect me enough to call me by a different name, but if I said to my family “call me Michael instead of Andrew,” they’re going to give me a hard time. Legally changing it will give me at least some leverage on the issue. And it will help on a legal level beause I can sign documents and have them issued with a different name. I know it’s petty, but it does reall suck having your dad open the mail with your first driver’s licence in it.
And this argument has to happen 1 way r another. Either now, or when I have children, and the child’s mother is dragged into it when my family find out that I’m not continuing the tradition. I’d rather take on that burden now.
jpallan
Nope. Your family is not going to change their behavior with or without a court order.
OOP
Either way, I can at least start signing things in a different name, regardless of what they call me. Getting any legal stuff mixed up with them is a nightmare.
Update Feb 13, 2017
Soo… Kind of a strange update. In my original thread, /u/dragonflytype pointed out that There was a threaf that was similar, but from the other perspective. I checked it out and it was eerily similar to my situation, from what OP said in the remaining comments. I asked my dad about it and it turns out he did actually post it. Some minor things didn’t match up, we both changed a couple minor details to preserve anonymity. But he kind of gave that away when he said my name in the comments.
So to the update, everyone is still pretty upset about it. My dad has been sulking about it a lot. He’s still struggling with the idea that hes going to be the last of his name (and here I was thinking that “your father’s name” meant his last name, not the whole thing.) My brother, who is more like my dad than I am is mad. I think he does like the tradition, and is pissed that I came first. So he’s mad at me, too. Dad called my Grandad and he’s on his side, too. Mom has been more quiet. She’s really conflict-avoiding and I think that might be why she agreed to name me this in the first place.
So it’s been rough, but more than anything, it’s strengthened my resolve. No one has talked to me about my feelings, just how i’m turning my back on the “family legacy.” All I could do was point out to them is that their arguments are exactly what I was talking about. They’re making me feel like I’m nothing more than a vessel to carry on a name rather than someone who was desired as a person. It got a little heated when my dad, grandad and brother had an intervention of sorts with me about it. I was pissed and told them, straight up that the tradition is dead. You can either have this decision with me, now and alone, or in a few years when I have a pregnant partner, and they can take us both on at once (I would never want to put this pressure on a GF or wife, especially while she’s pregnant. That part of why I think this is important to do now.)
After their total lack of support, the offer to work with my parents on picking out a new name together is off the table. I’ve made the decision on my own. I love my new name :). My friends are cool with it, and Ive given my family one month’s grace. At the end of February, I will correct them every time, and that will last 2 months. After that, I will refuse to respond if they call me by former name. The paperwork is filed to make it legal, so I think it’s going well overall.
Picking out my new name obviously caused its own problems. As so as I told my dad, I got the immediate response that “That’s too modern! Why are you giving up a name with historical integrity for something so new?” Brother…
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