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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-09-28 04:01:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/hannahJ004 posted to r/Advice + r/Parenting
BoRUs: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7
[New Update]: My mum asked me to watch my siblings for a week. It’s been 9 weeks.
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
Trigger Warnings: child trauma, neglect of an infant, child abandonment
Editor’s Notes: due to the lengths of earlier posts, they have exceeded the character limits. I made a TL; DR, for each of OOP’s prior posts to the latest update(s). This is in order to fit all posts in one BoRU. For the full text and relevant comments from older posts, please see previous BoRUs linked at top of this post
RECAP
Original Post: February 21, 2024
OOP (19F) and finds herself watching her younger siblings (16F, 13F, 12M, 9F, and 7F) after her mum went out before Christmas then she texted she would be gone for a week. It has been 9 weeks since then and OOP only heard from her mum three times and said she wasn’t coming back any time soon. OOP is trying to hang on to survive as she and her siblings live with their nan who doesn’t provide any help. Older siblings have moved out of the house. OOP asked if it was a legal issue for social services to get involved and with her mum being gone for that long.
Update #1: February 29, 2024
OOP got to speak with her mum on phone, asking for custody. Mum refused to return home, and OOP is done with her shit. Next step, OOP spoke with a lawyer regarding younger siblings, and she should be able to receive legal guardianship through court. Older brother, 22, told OOP, he will move back home to help with their siblings on one condition: their mum does not come back home. Brother is no contact with their mum. OOP gets things in order and rhythm with younger siblings since they needed healthy routines to keep their lives balanced at home and schools. Priorly, things were in chaos, and nothing has been getting done. She asks for advice and redditors have provided their support and advice.
Additional information from OOP
OOP provided a comment regarding her father’s whereabouts and why he wasn’t stepping up to take care of the family. The father left the family 5 years prior because older siblings have confirmed he was abusing them. OOP mentions her father has done his disappearing and returning acts many times. This time, no one knows where he is at the moment after walking out.
Update #2: March 14, 2024
OOP comes back with new updates on family situation after receiving support from BoRU. After reviewing options available from redditors, she goes forward with having kinship as it was better for the family financially than legal guardianship. OOP’s older brother (22) returned home and is working remotely, which is great for the siblings. OOP’s older sister has gotten in contact and informed she will send some money to help. Other oldest sister is working but will try to help on her weeks off but can’t guarantee until things are stable.
OOP shared individual updates on each siblings with acceptance and struggles to their new reality as they are on new routines with older brother now in charge. He is helping OOP get the handle of their new lives with a healthy routines. The youngest sibling is taking changes harder. The middle siblings are adjusting okay. The other two siblings are doing fine with brother being there. Moving forward, OOP focuses on helping siblings adjust to new changes made.
Update #3: April 4, 2024
OOP and her older brother received approvals for kinship on their younger siblings. Mum still hasn’t contacted OOP for a while except to complain about her missing their dad so much. That was the main point for mum to ruin everyone’s days and moods especially OOP’s. The siblings’ nan is still not helping with the family at all. She has left to stay with their siblings’ aunt while can’t stand to be around the children. Giving individual updates on each sibling OOP has been looking after. Still having struggles with the siblings who are not adjusting very well to the new changes from their older siblings. The 7-year-old sister takes this the hardest, OOP is trying to find solutions to help her youngest sibling especially with having breakdowns because the siblings have no parents now. Slowly, the youngest consider OOP and their older brother as her “parents” after feeling more stable with the new life changes.
OOP and her brother are working on finding right disciplines for their siblings. Brother is trying to find the best ways to keep his young siblings in check. He had past childhood trauma scars from their father’s punishments of using an electric cord as a whip onto his bottom. Wants to break the cycle and not doing the same thing to the young siblings. OOP worked on getting all of her younger siblings to doctors to make sure they are healthy. Making great food choices for the entire family was the goal so the youngest siblings can catch up with their peers on their health. Therapy and other appointments are added to the list, so everyone’s mental health can get back in good positions. The siblings are blessed to have the oldest brother and OOP around with support and love. Things are looking up a bit.
feeling like shit. Parenting is kind of hell rn: April 14, 2024
OOP has her own struggles on parenting her 5 younger siblings, but having her older brother there helps so much. OOP was not happy with her 16-year-old sister for videoing their 7-year-old sister having a breakdown regarding their parents’ abandonment. Taking away the 16-year-old’s phone, OOP discovers she has been messaging their mum without her knowledge. The sister was begging their mum to come home to no response. OOP is upset because her sister hid it from her. Mum tells 16-years-old she had better things to do than raising the children altogether.
OOP’s older sister (sister #2), calls in to check with her and the siblings to make sure things are okay and sending money. Still angry at mum for “replacing” her with the youngest sister who is now 7, OOP tells her that it’s not her fault. OOP’s oldest sister (Sister #1) wanted to bring OOP to live with her because she is trying to shield OOP from family problems. OOP tells oldest sister that she will be okay. She needs to be there for their younger siblings. OOP and her brother are still working on getting therapy for all involved.
Update #4: May 20, 2024
OOP returns with a new update after receiving support from redditors. She shares news on things happening in her family. Older sister (#2) is able to make a visit soon to check in with OOP and their siblings. Sister’s relationship with their brother (22) is sort of strained due to past childhood trauma altogether when they and their oldest sister (#1) were younger. OOP understood why her 3 older siblings moved out at 18 while the family problems were not being resolved and affecting their mental health. OOP and her brother are looking into moving to a different city to have a fresh start with their younger siblings. Brother is still working remotely, and his job is working on helping him moving his family away from their current house. It has been in the plans for a while as brother feels it would do the siblings good to have a clean slate. The financial levels are getting better for the siblings that OOP and brother are able to budget and save some.
OOP gave individual updates on each sibling as things are improving, but they are still dealing with problems. Therapy has started for a couple siblings while others are still resenting. But overall, all siblings are starting to accept the new reality. 16-year-old has not received any more messages from their mum. The mum is no longer talking to the kids. 7 and 9 years old sisters are starting to see OOP as their mom now. The family’s food diet is improving very much after they made life changes to get healthy. Oldest sister (#1) is still having trouble on dealing with the family trauma, still wants to move OOP in with her. She refused to see their younger siblings due to her past childhood trauma. OOP wants to break the ice and have the oldest sister meet with their youngest sister to make sure she (#1) knows who her sister is. Grandma is still not helpful for OOP and her brother. Will not move back home, is still at OOP’s auntie’s.
Editor’s Note: in the next update: OOP has given a name for her older brother, who will be called Matt.
Update #5: May 29, 2024 (9 days later)
OOP’s second oldest sister has arriv…
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