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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-09-29 04:00:04+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Crafty_Patient6659
Originally posted to r/amiwrong
AITAH for not wanting to confront my mom about “badmouthing my wife” and telling her play stupid games win stupid prizes?
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse
Original Post: September 21, 2024
I grew up in the US and when I was 18 my mom moved to Italy to head the foreign branch of her company. She had to learn Italian quickly and I never learned any as I’ve never been in Italy more than a few weeks at a time. She got married while living there and her husband speaks a little English, but really not fluently.
My mom is currently visiting and her husband is with her. While she speaks in English to my wife and I, of course she still interacts with her husband and speaks Italian. My wife happens to speak it as well as she was an au pair for years and lived abroad. Going into this she thought it would be funny not to tell my mom, so she could hear their private conversations. I thought that was kind of weird, but let it go.
Well my wife has come to me furious a few times saying they are insulting the food and saying they are bored. I basically feel like they have the right to not enjoy themselves. They have been polite to our faces. My wife says I need to confront my mom for disrespecting her in her own house, but I told her she should have mentioned to my mom that she knew Italian and play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I really feel what they are saying isn’t that bad. It isn’t like they are personally insulting either of us.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed responses
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: So why couldn’t she have told your wife in English? Or are you just wanting your wife to come clean and tell them that she speaks Italian fluently? Also why are you letting them disrespect your wife?
OOP because who the fuck goes into someone’s house and tells them they don’t like their food. It is within her rights not to like it and to confide in her husband, but saying anything to her host would be beyond rude and entitled. My mom wasn’t disrespecting my wife by having a private opinion
Has OOP’s mother met his wife before the wedding?
OOP: she’s met her before, but this is the first time we’ve spent any significant amount of time with her husband. If my mom is with us she speaks English
Commenter 2: Info. Did your mother acted like shit in front of you or behind your back? I mean, did they spoke ill about you and your wife in your face or was a private conversation they were having (e.g in their room) that your wife happened to hear?
Also, is your mother always shitty or was this a special occasion to be shitty because people couldn’t understand her?
Depends on the answers, if was a private conversation then not wrong, if your mother spoke ill to your face just because you can’t speak the same language and now that you know she did you don’t call her out then you’re just like mommy and I feel sorry for your wife.
OOP: One time my mom’s husband said he was so bored he wanted to shoot himself while we were all in the living room. Once at dinner she whispered to him that she can’t eat anymore of this, and the other time we were getting ready to go out and he asked if she was ok and she said no she felt sick from the food. He laughed and was like good so I’m not dramatic then
My mom is a nice enough person and would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but she is used to living with cooks and housekeepers and she’s hard to please
Update: September 22, 2024
I continued to decline to speak to my mother, because I felt my wife’s behavior was dishonest and because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I have 100% complained to my wife in private that I didn’t enjoy a meal or an event.
Well it all went to hell last night. My mom left something in the living room and my wife brought it to their room and heard my mom vomiting (this was pretty soon after dinner) My wife was pissed and waited at the door despite my mom’s husband trying to get her to move. When my mom came out she asked her in perfect Italian if the food was that bad she had to throw it up.
My mom was shocked she spoke Italian and asked why she never told her. My wife said because you are a bitch who talks about people in Italian. At this point I heard the raised voices and came into the room. My mom felt her deceit was creepy and refused to apologize since she felt deceived. She said she was doing her absolute best. She had been feeling sick all week and even thrown up a few times and hid it, but didn’t want to cause drama.
My wife accused her of making herself throw up and my mom called her a trashy bitch. I lost it and told my mom to get the fuck out. My mom’s husband got involved and he doesn’t speak enough English to say anything directly too me, but my wife said he was calling me a piece of shit son, asking if I really didn’t notice my mom looked pale and unwell.
Today was supposed to be their last day, but they are off doing their own thing and I guess we won’t say goodbye before she flies home
Comments
Commenter 1: Wonder if MIL is sick and the food was gross…on purpose? Did this guy’s wife start all of this on purpose for some big confrontation? In either case, everyone is awful.
OOP: I think she was sick from the texture. I had this issue as well when I first began dating my wife but I’ve gotten used to it. My wife would never do that on purpose
Commenter 2: Wow! Your wife was a jerk & you stood by her. Didn’t you notice your mother wasn’t looking well?? You and your wife are rude & disrespectful hiding the fact your wife speaks Italian. Would you do this to friends? Other family members? Her family? You & your wife are terrible hosts.
OOP: She was a little pale but I assumed she was malnourished. Yes everyone who comes here gets the same treatment