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The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/fkashelflessbishop on 2024-09-30 19:02:09+00:00.

1. Adam and Eve are enjoying life in the garden. As far as they know, they’re the only two humans in the world. All of a sudden, a weirdo with an apron (in the old movies) appears out of nowhere and starts talking to them, and he knows their names. They don’t freak out and tell the lions to sick him. They’re just like, oh, hi. Who are you? Sure, I’ll go along with your suggestion.
2. Satan says he’s Eve’s brother. Without any knowledge of how to reproduce and create a family or even what a family is, she somehow knows what a “brother” is.
3. When God asks Eve “What is this thou hast done”, she says the “Serpent beguiled me, and I did eat” (in the old videos). Wait, rewind. Satan showed up as a human, and isn’t cursed to be a snake after this interaction. Why does she refer to him as a serpent?
4. If the “True Order of Prayer” is actually the true order of prayer, why do we only do it in the temple? Is every other prayer we offer not the true order? And why is the true order of prayer to stand in a circle and repeat someone else’s prayer? That seems counter to the way we’re actually supposed to pray.
5. How do Peter, James and John offer their hands to give the Tokens when they don’t have physical bodies yet?
6. Why do the robes of the holy priesthood include the goofy green apron that, in theory, symbolizes the fig leaves used to cover the nakedness of Adam and Even, when later, the garment symbolizes the coats of skins used to cover their nakedness. Why keep the green apron on when we’ve now left the garden and covered ourselves with a representation of the coats of skins?
7. The law of obedience is really the only covenant that we need to make. If we covenant to obey all of God’s laws in one covenant, then why do we have to covenant to obey specific laws later?
8. When they ask if anyone is unwilling to make the covenants at the beginning, who are they even talking to? Nearly everyone in the room is acting as proxy, so whose “willingness” is relevant. The person sitting in the room (who is not making any covenants for themselves) or the person for whom they are acting (who can’t really do anything about it)? And the new people in the room are so freaked out, and so pressured to be there, they’ll never raise their hand. And maybe they should be given that opportunity in private, before the session starts anyway.
9. God’s like, I need a volunteer to help me make my plan work. Two people step up (out of hundreds of billions in the room). The first is like, hey dad, send me, I’ll be a savior to all of my brothers and sisters, and if they aren’t led astray by Lucifer (my little brother who hasn’t presented his idea yet, and hasn’t been cast out yet, but I just know that’s how it’s all gonna play out because he’s just awful), then some small percentage of them can return home. The second guy is like, I have a better idea. I can assure that everyone gets back home, which is what you really want, right dad? And God is like, Lucifer, I hate your idea so much, that I’m going to send you as far away as possible, and punish you in the worst way

Any others?