This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Fontaigne on 2024-10-01 15:24:31+00:00.

One shot

Sure. Thought it would be about now.

If you don’t mind, would you do that tail thing to let your friends know that it’s on, but we’re going to chat a minute first. Neither one of us wants to get arrested after this.

Before we start anything, we got to register with Jake here what kind of flight it’s going to be. Given those claws of yours, First Blood would be to your advantage, but wouldn’t be much fun for either of us. KO or Submission, that’s more usual. Again, given those claws of yours, the pot’s got to be at least 50 credits to replace my clothes and equipment.

Then again there’s Deathmatch. That’s just like KO but the fight will be shorter. We don’t have to kill each other; KO counts as a win, but we won’t be trying to keep each other alive. If you want to go that way, I get your gun. Dayteen model 059, damn fine piece, good condition, got to respect a man who takes care of his equipment.

Pardon? What the hell would I care? I’ll be dead. All my kit.

Hey Jake, what’s the under-over on a Deathmatch? Yeah, this here mountain of steel hide and sharp edges.

Sounds about right.

What? Son, in a death match, I can’t afford to be kind. I know five ways to kill a Ralston, and I’m taking the first one there’s an opening for. Maybe the second, can’t be predictable. From your scars, looks only one guy you ever fought knew what to do and he was about an inch low — that’s a half claw more or less.

Ah. I see in your eyes you got it. Pardon?

Oh, they always think that. No, tough humans come from lots of places, not just Florida.

Hey, Jake, you got one of those truth detector blinky things?

Yeah, bring it out.

Okay, truthfully, I’m from Tampa. I’ve been to Georgia, which is near Florida. I’ve even been to Florida, lots of times.

See. Red light, red light, red light, truth, right?

I’ve gone down to the Florida Everglade swamps where they have gators. But I was Tampa born and raised, which is pretty far from there.

Gator? If someone calls you that, they probably think it’s a compliment. If it is, it just means they don’t know shit about gators. Gators are ambush hunters, dumb as stumps. They have one good move, lunge and chomp on something. Good bite strength, but next to no strength to open the mouth back up. So if they miss, a human can hold their mouth closed with one hand. And a gator will NOT chase you, because it’s not worth the energy.

You Ralston, you’re brawlers. Scales don’t matter— fight-wise, you’re more like a bear.

So, even though you won’t be fighting a Florida man — and, God, I wouldn’t want to get a reputation for being that, or I’d never get any peace — but it should be a fun fight anyway.

Shall we?