This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Sensitive_Taste8785 on 2024-10-01 23:31:33+00:00.
Gun’s gun’s gun’s
The Encounter
“The primitive are often unaware of their place in the cosmos, choosing to overcompensate with raw size and bulk. These inferior civilizations build monstrous machines because they lack finesse, technology, and sophistication. Today, we shall demonstrate the superiority of true engineering,” Admiral Xa’kir thought as he observed the massive, ugly vessel drifting silently in the emptiness of the unclaimed system.
He stood on the bridge of the Raxinar, the flagship of the Threxian Expeditionary Fleet, his insectoid frame poised and tense. His segmented eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the foreign ship on the view screen. The vessel was unlike anything he had ever seen before in his 250 years of service.
It was enormous—nearly a kilometer long—but grotesquely shaped, with angular hull plates and protruding structures that served no apparent purpose. The surface of the ship was studded with bizarre, cylindrical objects, like ancient relics mounted as trophies. The ship’s hull was a patchwork of various materials, covered in what seemed to be gaudy decals and obscure symbols.
“What a hideous beast,” murmured Sub-Commander Tra’nak, standing at the Admiral’s side. “Look at that armor plating… they must not even have energy shielding. Why else would they build such a bulky monstrosity? Probably compensating for their lack of proper defenses.”
“Indeed,” Admiral Xa’kir agreed. “These creatures are clearly primitive. Their civilization hasn’t yet grasped the fundamentals of advanced energy weaponry or proper shielding. They compensate with physical bulk—relying on raw mass to weather the harshness of space.”
“Pathetic,” scoffed another officer. “They must not even understand basic plasma weaponry. Do they think they’re going to smash through an enemy fleet with kinetic rounds and heavy metal?”
Admiral Xa’kir glanced at the tactical display. The unknown ship had no discernible energy signatures, no telltale emissions of shielding or advanced weapons. If anything, it seemed to be a relic from some forgotten past—a clunky throwback to an era of space warfare long rendered obsolete.
“Let’s put an end to this charade,” Xa’kir commanded. “Open a channel and prepare our weapons. This system is marked for annexation by the Threxian Dominion, and these primitives will learn to respect our claim.”
The communications officer initiated the broadcast. “Attention, unidentified vessel. This is Admiral Xa’kir of the Threxian Expeditionary Fleet. You are trespassing in a system designated for Threxian expansion. Power down your engines and prepare to be boarded, or be destroyed.”
There was a long silence, then the screen crackled to life. A human appeared—humanoid, fleshy, and smiling broadly. The being’s hair was long and scraggly, with a worn hat perched precariously atop its head. It looked utterly unconcerned.
“Howdy there!” the human bellowed, his voice crackling through the speaker. “This here’s the Indomitable, and I’m Captain Billy Jo. I’m here with my brother Sammy Ray, and we’re laying claim to this system in the name of…” The human paused and looked at someone off-screen. “Who’re we layin’ claim for, Sammy?”
“Aw, hell, Billy Jo. We’re layin’ claim for us! Ain’t nobody else got dibs on it!” came another voice from somewhere off-screen.
“That’s right!” Billy Jo returned to the comm, grinning widely. “We’re layin’ claim for the Jo brothers. Now, why don’t y’all just skedaddle back to wherever y’all came from and leave us in peace?”
Admiral Xa’kir’s mandibles twitched in annoyance. These creatures were worse than he had anticipated—utterly delusional and lacking any sense of propriety. He suppressed a sigh of frustration and responded, “Your presence here is a violation of Threxian law. You will power down your engines and submit to our authority, or we will be forced to—”
Before he could finish, the Indomitable suddenly rotated on its axis, bringing a row of those bizarre cylindrical objects into view. One by one, the objects began to extend outward like some sort of mechanical appendage.
“Are they… is that…?” Tra’nak squinted, his compound eyes widening in disbelief.
“Are they preparing to… fire?” another officer stammered.
“Ridiculous. There’s no energy buildup, no plasma charge—”
But then it happened.
A flash of light burst from one of the cylinders, followed by another, and another. In rapid succession, dozens of projectiles launched from the primitive tubes, each trailing a plume of ignited propellant. The shells, forged from dense alloys and accelerated by massive charges, streaked through the void and slammed into the nearest Threxian cruiser.
The cruiser’s shields flared for a moment, but the energy fields—designed to repel directed-energy weapons and plasma bolts—shattered like glass under the sheer kinetic impact of the projectiles. The shells punched through the hull, tearing the ship apart in a series of thunderous explosions.
“By the stars!” Admiral Xa’kir shouted. “Evasive maneuvers!”
The Threxian fleet scrambled, but the Indomitable continued to spin, each of its mounted tubes firing in sequence. It was a spectacle to behold—the ship seemed to be rotating like some kind of colossal gatling gun, unleashing a continuous barrage of high-velocity projectiles. As the ship spun, it cycled its guns, allowing some to reload while others fired, maintaining a relentless rate of fire.
The second and third Threxian cruisers were ripped apart in moments. The projectiles, massive hunks of metal designed to mimic the long-extinct Earth naval artillery, were far more effective than they appeared. Each shot was a work of destructive art, shattering shields and hulls alike.
“Report!” Xa’kir shouted, his voice frantic. “How are they doing this? What kind of—”
“Admiral, their projectiles are purely kinetic! Our shields aren’t designed to handle impacts at this velocity! They’re bypassing our defenses!”
“Impossible! They don’t have the energy capacity for sustained fire—”
“They’re reloading using some sort of mechanical system. There’s no energy drain at all!”
Admiral Xa’kir watched in horror as the Indomitable continued its brutal onslaught. The ship was a behemoth, its armor plates thick and cumbersome, but its attacks were devastating. The Threxian vessels, sleek and graceful, crumbled under the relentless kinetic bombardment.
“Deploy fighters! Target their… whatever those things are!” Xa’kir ordered, desperation seeping into his voice.
Swarms of Threxian fighters launched from the remaining ships, streaking toward the human vessel. But as they approached, the Indomitable shifted, revealing a massive structure hidden in the center of the hull.
“What… what is that?” Tra’nak whispered, his voice trembling.
The structure was a railgun—an absolutely colossal one, dwarfing even the largest energy weapons the Threxians had ever encountered. The electromagnetic coils along its length crackled and hummed as the railgun began to charge.
“Admiral, we need to retreat!” an officer screamed. “Their weapons—”
The railgun fired. A single, enormous projectile, larger than any of the previous ones, shot out of the railgun at incredible speed. It tore through space like a lance of vengeance, striking the Raxinar dead center. The kinetic energy alone was enough to vaporize the flagship’s forward compartments. The ship buckled and imploded, its hull twisting and contorting before detonating in a blinding flash of light.
Silence reigned on the bridge of the remaining Threxian vessels.
Admiral Xa’kir’s ship—the pride of the Threxian fleet—had been obliterated in a single shot.
“Message from the enemy ship, sir,” a trembling communications officer reported.
The screen crackled back to life, and the human brothers appeared once more, their grins as wide as ever.
“Now, look here,” Billy Jo drawled, leaning closer to the screen. “We ain’t got no beef with y’all, but y’all came barkin’ up the wrong tree. We ain’t lookin’ for trouble, but if y’all want more of what you just got, we got plenty to go around.”
“Tell ’em about the big gun, Billy Jo!” Sammy Ray chimed in from somewhere off-screen.
Billy Jo rolled his eyes. “They already saw the big gun, Sammy. Don’t need to brag about it.”
“But you said—”
“Sammy, hush now.”
The brothers exchanged a few more words, then turned their attention back to the camera.
“We’re just a couple of good ol’ boys from Florida,” Billy Jo continued, his tone suddenly friendly. “We built this ship ourselves, right in our garage, and we just wanna settle down somewhere quiet. So how ’bout y’all just turn around and leave us be, huh?”
The Threxian fleet, or what was left of it, didn’t need further encouragement. Engines roared to life as the remaining ships turned and fled, leaving the Indomitable to drift lazily through the void.
As the last Threxian vessel vanished from sensors, Billy Jo leaned back in his chair and chuckled.
“Well, that was fun.”
Sammy Ray’s head popped into view. “Think they’ll be back?”
“Nah,” Billy Jo said, grinning. “Next time, they’ll know better.”
And with that, the brothers returned to their business—staking their claim on an empty star system far from home, just a pair of gun enthusiasts living out their dream of peace and quiet in the cosmos.
Because out here, there were no rules. Just a couple of old Floridian brothers, their ship full of guns, and an entire galaxy to explore.
(This was a stand alone story. thanx to safary-cat for words of inspiration to this story)