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The original was posted on /r/dota2 by /u/rtanada on 2023-08-05 14:00:18.

The early game was absolute shit. It was my Lina vs their Weaver. Three times in a row in the first ten minutes I made the mistake of walking too deep into the middle where he will repeatedly own me with his Q, blood grenade and a few auto attacks.

It wouldn’t take a genius to see that this is the absolute deal breaker that costed my team some MMR once again. And another to my ever-adding loss streak.

My umpteenth mid game in the month and I still never fully grasped the benefits of perfect positioning just like I never fully perfected my last hitting skills, making me look more like a charlatan, trying to be self-sufficient, considering my support games would often pair me with shit cores, by playing a core role myself, but lacking the skills needed to even be decent at it.

If this is how I have been doing my games, maybe I do deserve being in Guardian, fresh from recalibration to Crusader. Maybe my actual rank is actually Herald. Maybe I don’t have what it takes to Dota at all!

(Well, at least, when I play core. My recent support games have been relatively more fruitful, albeit still not really guaranteeing victory all the time, knowing how SEA bottom tier ranked games on the weekends are.)

Sure, I wanna have fun, but I also want to see if I’m getting better, and to mirror the fun the upper echelon players experience, with better chances of victory every time. And ranked is possibly the only place where I can see a semblance of progress in this direction. It almost make Unranked and Turbo look like kryptonite since there is no way I will learn shit in those two.

Maybe I’m just putting it the wrong way the whole time? Maybe it’s just me wanting to save face, knowing the adage that if I lose 6 games in a row, then it’s on me? Maybe it’s the lie I live in, believing I was given a fresh start in a higher rank, when it’s possibly just some luck matched bumping up the numbers? Maybe it’s the denial that I have not learned anything at all due to how big my ego is, and another lie that I am going to improve at every game?

What is it that I should do to remove myself from this entire shitshow?