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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bonafideretiredgal on 2023-08-05 15:48:07.

No, I’m not a dead beat mom, my daughter is an adult (F) 33. My daughter is married with a 1.5 year old child. She and her hubby got jobs in another city before the baby was born. My spouse and I also retired 2 years before they had the baby. We later bought a house in the same city that she and her hubby relocated to (My daughter kept sending me “for sale” listings- I also asked her hubby if he was ok with us moving close to them) once they announced they were expecting/pregnant. The house we bought is a 10 minute drive to their house. We have now owned this house for 2.5 years.

Then Covid happened so my daughter did not have the opportunity to get out in the community and meet people (She is very social). I also bought the house to help her adjust to new motherhood while on mat leave, and offered the house to be used by her out-of-town friends and Son-in-law’s family when we went on vacation or to our cottage. I also bought the house because my daughter said that she might not be able to get daycare until the baby was 18+ mo, and her hubby travelled for work, so I would be close by to help her.

Daughter has now returned to work, they got full time daycare, and her hubby no longer travels for work. When her out of town friends/family visit they prefer to stay at their place. My daughter and husband like the weekends for their family time (which I respect), so there will be very little need for me/us. My daughter grew up in a multigenerational home (duplex) from age 8+, the grandparents on the main floor, myself, hubby and daughter on the upper floors unit. So, she loved bouncing back and forth from our home to the grandparents. It was the old fashioned village, but there were challenges at times.

I worked full time for 44 years, and also looked after my parents during their declining years until they passed just before I retired. Covid kept my hubby and I quite isolated during our first few years of retirement, but spending time with our daughter and SIL, helped us to not feel isolated. My Son-in-law’s father lives 4 hours away from them, and his mother lives in the US (a 14 hour drive) but they visit them a few times per year.

I want to move to a city that will be 3 hours away from our daughter and her family, as we love that city/town vibe and it also has a large seniors population with an abundance of things for active seniors to do. My hubby wants to do this move too. We would then come for frequent visits (when invited/needed) and stay in their home, just like her in-laws do, but my daughter thinks IATA for wanting to move away and not continue to be a village generation since they do not have any relatives living in the city they choose to live in. I think my daughter feels rejected and that I am being selfish to move away from her, her hubby and the baby. So, AITA?