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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mammoth-Biscotti-622 on 2023-08-05 20:13:01.

I (38M) have a daughter, Daniella, who is turning 12 next week. Over the past few years, my sister, Chloe (32F) has made grand promises on Daniella on her birthday and then falls through. The first came when Daniella was 9 and Chloe promised to take her to her first Broadway show. I checked with Chloe a couple of times that she could actually afford it, actually wanted to take a 9 year old to the city (we live about an hour away), etc. Chloe promised up and down it was all good. Then, 2 days before the show, she said plans changed and she sold the tickets. Daniella was naturally devastated but Chloe tried to make it up to her by taking her out to dinner the following week. For Daniella’s 10th & 11th birthdays, a similar thing happened. The 10th, Chloe put an IOU in the card and basically told Daniella she could cash it in for one of a few activities. Daniella would text Chloe throughout the year, asking when they would do it, but Chloe always had an excuse. Eventually, the year ended with nothing being done. Daniella said that she didn’t care about not getting a gift, but it was disappointing to be promised something then have it taken away. She actually talked to Chloe about it and Chloe apologized.

The 11th birthday was the worst example in my opinion. Chloe promised she would take her the following weekend to an amusement park that Daniella really wanted to go to. Daniella was so excited but Chloe continued cancelling on her until the amusement park closed for the season.

It should be noted that these things Chloe promises, is stuff out of my budget most of the time. I did end up doing 2 of activities that were on the IOU, but things like a Broadway show as well as the amusement park tickets were not something I could afford. I did save up to bring Daniella this summer and she had a ton of fun, but I know it was disappointing for her last year. Chloe apologized, but Daniella was less receptive to it that time.

This year, Chloe told me she wanted to take Daniella to New York overnight to see a show. I asked for proof this was booked. Chloe said she would do it once she “figured out a time they could go”. I said no. No more of this. She doesn’t have to give Daniella anything at all, but if she does, it needs to be something planned and something she doesn’t intend to back out of. No more IOUs. If she wants to gift these things, they need to be booked and non-refundable so I can see that she isn’t going to back out. Chloe promised this time would be different. I said, okay, then do as I asked. Chloe said I was being unfair and holding the past against her. She also said I can’t control what she gives my daughter for her birthday. Some members of our family have backed her up, saying Chloe is harmless and Daniella needs to understand sometimes things don’t work out. I pointed out my daughter knows that lesson very well as she lost her mom young and the only consistent woman figure she has (her aunt) keeps letting her down. AITA?