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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Emotional_Piano_7668 on 2023-08-07 01:36:16.

(taa) I know the title sounds crazy, but I promise there’s context.

I grew up not really religious and met my fiance when I was in college he was my first serious crush and we started dating my sophomore year. He was christian and introduced me to his church and although I never was a fan of the congregation itself I found my faith in spite of it.

When we had started dating and before I was introduced to the church I admittedly was trying to make moves on him, but he shut me down and told me he was waiting for marriage, I was super surprised because I hadn’t known he was so devout, but respected him for it and felt like I should wait for my first time as well for my own reasons.

Anyways we’ve been talking about our future for years and he finally proposed. I said yes and I’ve been so excited, however during a get together with his old college friends I overheard them talking about his “roster” and was devastated. After they left I approached him and asked if he had ever had sex prior to me, he said no with a straight face, but when I asked him about the “roster” his friends mentioned, he got a really panicked look and then came clean about it and said it was a long time ago and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I was really upset but didn’t want to be reactive so I told him I needed time to myself and that I’d like to speak about it later once I collect my thoughts.

I went to an evening service the next day at our church and a few women/men came up to me and said my fiance had talked to them about our “situation” and advised me to not be dramatic because everyone has a past but God will forgive those who repent etc. It made me so embarrassed that our business was out there and that I was being petty by not speaking to him first that he felt like he needed to go to someone else to talk about this. I talked to him that night and he told me I was thinking too deeply about this and that it’s not that serious.

Prior to meeting my fiance premarital sex was never a big deal to me and I honestly still don’t care/judge people who do, so I feel like I’m being a hypocrite and over reacting, but it was the way he made it such a pivotal part of our relationship. I’ve built up expectations of sharing a special moment when we were married. The fact that he lied about it also makes me question if this is the only thing he’s lied to me about. I really do love him and I’ve always seen a future with him, but I’ve been reconsidering my marriage because of all of this AITAH for thinking these things?