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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-10-28 04:00:38+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Quirky_Background838. She posted in r/AITAH.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub. This has not been posted here before. PLEASE read trigger warnings and mood spoiler- this is a heavy one.

Trigger Warning: Huntington’s Disease; imminent death;

Mood Spoiler: genuinely fucking sad

Original Post: October 17, 2024

I (28F) recently found out I have a serious hereditary illness that’s going to screw up my life, and I am so mad I can barely type this out. It’s a degenerative illness, no cure, nothing. My body’s just gonna slowly get worse. And the kicker? My parents have known this could happen my whole life and never said a damn word.

This illness runs in my family. My dad’s mom had it. His sister—my aunt—died from it a few years ago. I was living overseas when she passed, and my parents told me it was cancer. Cancer. They lied right to my face. It wasn’t until I got diagnosed that they finally came clean and admitted she had the same illness I do. When I confronted them, my dad wouldn’t even give me a straight answer. I asked if he had it too, and he dodged every single question, acting like I was overreacting.

My mom, on the other hand, tried to justify it by saying they didn’t want me “living in fear.” Are you kidding me? I could have been prepared! Instead, they chose to let me walk into this blind. And here’s where it gets worse—I have a 2-year-old son. My child might have this, and they never told me I was at risk. I could’ve had him tested, made informed decisions, anything. But no, they took that from me, and now I live in constant fear for him too.

Then my mom had the nerve to ask me if I would have rather not been born than deal with this. Can you believe that? She turned it around on me, like I’m the monster for even thinking it. And you know what? Yes, I said it. Yes, I would rather not have been born than deal with this disease. They made a selfish choice, and now I’m paying for it. They knew the risks and did it anyway, for themselves. They wanted kids, and now I’m stuck with this. I called them selfish, and I meant every word.

Now, they’re begging me not to tell my younger siblings. They don’t know about this yet, haven’t been tested, and my parents want to keep it that way. They’re hoping they’ll get lucky, but I’m not going to lie to them. I refuse to let them be blindsided like I was. They deserve to know the truth.

I’ve gone low contact with my parents. I can’t stand to even think about them right now. My mom keeps trying to guilt-trip me, saying they were “just trying to protect me.” Protect me from what? The truth? No, they weren’t protecting me. They were protecting themselves, from the guilt of knowing they passed this on, and now they want me to protect them too. But I won’t. I love my son and my siblings too much to lie to them.

AITA for going LC and refusing to keep their secret, even though they claim they were just trying to “protect” me?

Some of OOP’s Comments:

To a removed comment:

They saw me going through pregnancy, I told them before the 12 week mark. They said nothing…NOTHING!

OOP clarifies:

I would have not had kids if i knew.

OOP’s husband:

My husband obviously knows

Commenter (downvoted): Respectfully, I think you may be lashing out at your parents a bit more than normal because you’re angry about the disease. It’s called transference.

It’s logical to be angry at being deceived. I just think there may be a bit more to your anger - mixing angry at the news and the grieving for yourself and your son as well.

I highly recommend therapy to process all of this.

OOP: No. They made me knowing I had 50 percent chance to die painfully AND DIDNT FUCKING TELL ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT DOOMING MY FUCKING CHILD TO THE SAME FATE. Disrespectfully, I think you may be talking out of your ass.

Update (same post): October 18, 2024 (Next Day)

Edit: most of you figured it out anyway. It is Huntingtons.

Update: I ended up telling my siblings. We met at my sister’s house, and I just came out with it: “I have Huntingtons. It’s hereditary. You should both get checked.” My brother started panicking he and his fiancée just started trying to get pregnant, and now he’s terrified. He’s furious with our parents and fully on my side. He confronted them right after, and now we’re both going low contact. My sister was more shocked and distant, but she said she’ll get tested.

My parents are pissed that I told them without waiting for “the right time,” but I don’t regret it. My siblings deserved the truth, and I wasn’t going to let them live in ignorance like I did.

OOP comments on the Huntington’s subreddit where her post was crossposted:

Commenter: I noticed this as well. The original OOP said she is already “diagnosed“ with HD at age 28, but nothing about her dad even showing symptoms. And her grandmother and aunt both died of it, but she never knew they had it or noticed symptoms in them as they declined? That seems unusual.

OOP: Hi I am the OP. He is. They are just saying that it’s because of old injuries and other unrelated things. I know he has it because I have it. But he won’t admit it

Update Post: October 21, 2024 (4 days from OG post)

I told my siblings

We met at my sister’s house, and I just came out with it. I told them what i had and said that it was heredetary.

My sister thanked me for telling her. Told me she would get tested but seemed distant. I get i, it is very heavy. So I have been giving her space but made it clear that I am there for her.

My brother looked horrified. He and his fiancée had just started trying for a baby, and the fear in his eyes was immediate. His fiancée, who works as a senior nurse in palliative care, didn’t take it lightly either. She deals with degenerative diseases every day and had a family member die from one, so this news hit her hard.

She immediately took control of the situation. She has a lot of connections in the medical field because of her work, and she’s been pulling strings to get my brother’s test done as fast as possible. She’s also been making sure I get the care I need, reaching out to specialists she knows personally. She’s actually moving things around and calling in favors to ensure I’m seen quickly.

On top of that, she’s been adamant that I need to see a counselor, pushing me to get emotional support. Given her experience, she knows how hard this is going to be, and I’m grateful she’s making it happen, because I wouldn’t know where to begin.

My husband and I have also been having difficult conversations about the future. We’ve decided to make my will, and I’ve been clear with him about when I won’t want to continue living if things get too bad. I’ve also started recording videos for my son. I watched P.S. I Love You years ago, and the idea of leaving something behind for my husband and son feels like a way to hold on to a part of me.

We’re planning to speak to a child psychologist soon to figure out the best way to prepare our son for what’s coming, though we haven’t started yet. And also to weigh our option about him and the possibility of him getting this illness from me. We are not going to make an uniformed decission.

On Saturday,our parents invited all of us over to their house, saying they wanted to talk. My sister came too, but she didn’t stay long. As soon as my parents started explaining how they kept the illness hidden to “protect us,” she couldn’t take it. She stood up, said she couldn’t handle it, and left. She’s been distant since, and it feels like I’ve lost her a little. I know she’s terrified, but it still hurts to see her pulling away.

After my sister left, everything exploded. My parents turned on me, blaming me for “ruining the family” and accusing me of causing all this chaos by telling the truth. They kept saying they did it to protect us, but I just couldn’t respond anymore. That’s when my brother’s fiancée stepped in. She completely laid into them, telling them that they had no right to keep something this serious from us. She told them they hadn’t protected us, they had betrayed us, and I was so relieved she stepped in because I didn’t have the energy to argue anymore.

Then my dad snapped. He started shouting at her, telling her to stay out of it, and he shoved me. I couldn’t even react, I was so shocked. My husband immediately stepped between us, grabbed my dad’s arm, and told him he’d better never touch me again. My dad just kept shouting, saying I was the one who was tearing the family apart and blowing everything out of proportion.

That was it. We left. My brother and his fiancée walked out with us, and since then, none of us have spoken to my parents. They’ve been calling, but I don’t want to hear their excuses. …

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