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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CarpoolConundrum on 2023-08-07 17:05:29.

School is restarting next week, and our fourteen year old is going to highschool. Our ten and seven year olds are still in elementary. This kind of sucks, because the elementary school starts at 8:45 and the middle school started at 9:30, but the high school starts at 7:30. So now we all have to wake up earlier, but it is what it is.

Last year I was in a carpool with another mom. We alternated taking our kids to the elementary school. On days that it was her turn, I didn’t have to leave the house until it was time to take my oldest to school. Now though, I’m going to have to get up even earlier and take him to school. Since the elementary school and high school are closer to each other than they are to our house, is makes sense to leave with all the kids at the same time. Basically, the carpool no longer makes sense for me logistically.

I told the other mom a month ago that the carpool wouldn’t work for me this year. She wasn’t happy and tried to convince me it was a bad idea to leave the carpool. She asked who would take the kids to school if myself or one of the kids was sick, and I said my husband. She kept arguing with me, but I took longer and longer between responses and one day I just didn’t message her back at all. I thought that was the end of it.

Yesterday she texted me to say she wasn’t able to make other arrangements, so unfortunately the carpool will need to continue for the first few weeks of school. I got frustrated and said no. I was pretty rude. I didn’t buffer it with niceties at all. I just texted no. She’s upset, and I’m pretty sure she’s badmouthing me to all of our other mom friends. My husband even told me that one of his friends who is married to one of my friends asked him if I’m okay, so I know she is saying stuff behind my back.

I want to defend myself to our friends, but I’m worried that maybe I really am the asshole? Am I obligated to continue the carpool even though it is no longer convenient for me? If I give my side of the story, will I just look worse? Since I had my fourth baby last year I’ve left the work force temporarily, and I know they all think I’m lazy and don’t do anything all day. I think I shouldn’t have to do the carpool, but maybe that’s selfish?