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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Sand5399 on 2023-08-07 21:56:28.

EDIT FOR CONTEXT- I would like to think I am not the toxic one. My dad and I tend to be more realistic, level headed and empathetic, in general. My mother and sister both struggle with mental health issues.

For as long as I can remember, we have never really gotten along. My sister has always struggled with mental health and while I don’t believe she wanted to be, she was always incredibly abusive, physically and mentally. Not only was she this way at home but she also struggled in most aspects of her life. She was always getting kicked out of classes, struggled to graduate and maintain grades, struggled with friendships and falling into the wrong crowds, in and out of jail and issues with the police, addiction problems that led to rehab, couldn’t hold down a job, threatening self harm, etc.

We did not start having even a semi normal relationship until 4 years ago when she almost had the police called on her at my work when she blacked out and had a huge episode infront of my child. I had to tell her she would not continue to be in my children’s lives unless she got help. She did get help but it’s very cyclical in nature. Sometimes she gets help, sometimes she doesn.

As far as my husband goes, we were hs sweethearts and had found out we were expecting shortly after we had split up. We were 19 and 21. He never said or did anything particularly outrageous but just the idea that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me at the time while we had a baby and that he was comfortable with our custody and child support agreement until we grew up and worked things out was enough for my sister and mom to hate his guts. We were constantly trying to work it out, some times easier than others, but eventually when our son was about 3 it clicked and now we have an incredibly healthy relationship and he is an amazing father and husband. She just cannot get over it.

My sister, (who I have an incredibly rocky relationship with), and her fiancé have decided to have a destination wedding. I have two children (3 & 10) and one on the way, (due a couple of months before the wedding). She hates my husband from stuff occurred 10 years ago while we were VERY young and coparenting but she expected us ALL to be there.

I was upfront from the beginning that I didn’t think we could attend because of the price and the new baby. She gave us the final estimate and it would cost $7-8,000 for us to go. (Her and her fiancé didn’t even get us a card for our wedding). I ultimately told her we could not go. It was not feasible for our family.

She has refused to speak to me in 7 months. She speaks very poorly of us, sometimes in front of my children, but yet continues to try and have a relationship with my kids. She has even gone so far as to show up uninvited to my children’s events and refuses to look or speak to me. It is incredibly uncomfortable and toxic for me to wrap my head around.

Before Father’s Day, my dad told both of us he wanted for us to repair things, (I’ve done everything I can and attempted to reach out many times). She responded back with a HUGE text stating that me marrying my husband and having children has overshadowed her entire life because it takes the attention off of her and this was her wedding and time to shine and I have ruined the entire thing. This took things too far for me and I told her that because we have ruined her life so much she may not have a relationship with my children until she is able to attempt to repair our relationship and can find the help she needs to allow her to move forward with peace and positivity.

My dad, for the most part, understands. My mom does not. She helps watch the children and will do so when I start back up at work after the new baby. She has been sneaking my sister over and around the kids. I’m very put off and even more concerned about her bringing her around my new baby when we have virtually ZERO relationship anymore and she harbors such negative energy towards us. I have been thinking about taking my mom that if she can’t respect my wishes, my children will only see my mom at my own house. It will not go well as previous conversations regarding my sister staying away have not gone to plan.

AITA for keeping my sister from my kids? AITA for giving my mother consequences for not respecting me?