This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-11-08 05:00:01+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowraBosshog

ex-BF and i were van-lifing across country. He kicked me and all my stuff out last week. I am now two states away and have his dads watch. He’s demanding I deliver it to him.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Gaslighting, verbal abuse

Original Post  Jan 29, 2022

So yeah like title says, we were both remote workers and decided that we could van life and see things while still working. We lasted about a month and last week he flipped out over the way I sipped my coffee and told me I had to leave. I thought he meant like we would pack up and figure out how to get me home. No he meant I needed to get out with all my shit in the middle of of a state park in New Mexico and figure it out. I was scared and pissed so I hurriedly packed everything and got out.

A very nice older couple had heard the screaming and saw me with a pile of my stuff and asked if I needed help. I said yes and they said they would drive me to Albuquerque in their RV and we could figure out what would happen next. Well it turns out they are the sweetest people ever and We eventually came to the conclusion it would be easier for me to travel with them home to Kansas and Now they’ve allowed me to stay paying them insanely fair rent, food, etc… I just have to edit the wife’s book and help the husband with his guitar playing.

Well it turns out in the hurry of packing I grabbed my ex’s watch That was his dads. I got in touch with him and told him I was sorry, it was truly an accident and I had no intention of keeping it-how would he like me to get it to him? He said I needed to meet him in Utah. I said that was ridiculous, I could send it to him. He said that it was too valuable to trust to mail or fedex and needed to be hand relieved. I said I was in Kansas and not coming to Utah, but I would return the watch to his brother when I go home in march. He said no the “only” solution was for me to drive it to him. I said I didn’t even have a car. He said “you’re probably fucking half of Lawrence, use one of theirs.” At that point I blocked him.

The watch is pretty valuable and has a lot of sentimental value and I will return it. It was my oversight that I have it in the first place. What are my obligations to follow his instructions to get the watch back to him?

Edit: wow this blew up! For the people asking it is a lower end Rolex watch. It still has all the original box and even receipt when his dad bought it but it was well worn so he’s never been sure how much it’s worth, I guess a few hundred-maybe a thousand so I’m not sure. I’m not going to keep it or destroy it since it’s not mine in any way.

TOP COMMENTS

CheyBrodgeMan

You gave reasonable options. Let’s say he files a police report that you stole it. You have proof that you contacted him and asked where you could send it. He declined.

~

nevertoomuchthought

Dude sounds like a psychopath. Do not under any circumstances willingly meet up with him in person ever again. Don’t let him know where you live. This level of douchery is a sign of something being very off and you don’t want to be there again when he short circuits again. You were extremely lucky to have found the people you did. Who knows where you’d be if that had not happened.

Update  Feb 6, 2022 (1 week later)

So I posted exactly a week ago. Link below but short story was I was van-living with ex boyfriend, he kicked me out after temper tantrum and I caught a ride with some awesome people. I discovered I has ex’s dads watch that had lots of sentimental value. I told him, asked where I should send it- he demanded I drive from Kansas to Utah and return it even though I don’t have a car.

Well so lots of mixed advice but most people said best option was to contact his brother. Before I did that I decided to unblock my ex just to give him one more chance to give me an address where I could ship the watch. 

Actual text conversation:

Me: hey, I’m sorry I blocked you. I just didn’t appreciate the insults but I want to get ur dads watch back. Can you let me know where to send it? I’ll pay for shipping no problem.

Like less than 30 seconds later:

Him:  I stashed the watch in your bag because I wanted to Prove to myself what an awful person you are and good job at proving me right again.

I was like wow, so many people in the original said that he probably put the watch in my stuff as I was packing in order to force communication and force the opportunity to see him again. Well…you were exactly correct. I didn’t even respond to his text and blocked him again.

I have no intention of keeping the watch so I decided now it was time to contact his brother (who, along with his wife has always been very nice to me). He was super appreciative and we spent a couple days going back and forth figuring out the shipping but the watch arrived to him on Friday and all is good. He even Venmoed me $1000 for being so honest, contacting him, etc… I make really good money so I told him it wasn’t necessary at all but he insisted so we agreed to donate it to a food pantry here in Lawrence.

But I’m still so creeped out thinking at the day when he kicked me out of the van and he was screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names he scheming to stay in touch with me. He was slamming all my stuff into bags but that was cover for him hiding the watch. The fact that it was so deliberate yet he thought of it so quickly is so scary to me.

We got along so well before we left and he always seemed like such a great guy. I don’t know if the confined space of the van is too much for any couple or if it brought out a side of him I didn’t know was there. Makes me sad and scared at the same time…but relieved it’s over.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

GeneralAce135

He… he framed you? To prove to… himself… that you were awful? He… he’s dumb enough to fall for his own frame job?

I really truly can’t wrap my head around how stupid he must be

pistachiopanda4

What I dont get is his logic that this would prove OP’s a bad person. How the fuck was she supposed to know about the watch when you kicked her ass out in a state she didn’t know about it until after she got to safety, possibly thousands of miles away? Like you thought she was just gonna be running back to you? Fuck that dude.

~

rachelgreenhairdryr

I think in his batshit crazy mind she was bad to not instantly head to Utah to return it.   He’s clearly insane.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7