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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-11-09 06:43:04+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Just_A_RN. He posted in r/bridezillas
Thanks to u/Creepy_Addict and u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec (and one other person who I can’t find, but thank you!)
I replaced letters with names for readability
Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.
Trigger Warnings: using someone from a marginalized group as a prop
Mood Spoiler: weird and frustrating, but OOP will be ok
Original Post: October 29, 2024
This happen yesterday and I’m still confused.
Yesterday was my first day back to work after being off for two weeks. This is kinda important. One of my coworkers had gotten engaged the week before I left. When she announced at work we all did the congratulations and happy for her type of things. I thought it was over. So when I left for vacation the last I knew no plans had yet been made. Then yesterday when I went back to work my boss Kim and best friend Laura said that coworker Claire was looking for me. I asked what was up and they weren’t sure but she was carrying a little gift bag.
A few minutes later Claire found me and asked how my vacation was. I was telling them about it and she cut me off and said she had a very important question to ask. She handed a little gift bag and asked if I would be her best man of honor for her wedding. I thanked her and told her that typically this would traditionally go to a close female relationship. She responded that there was nothing traditional about her wedding so it was good. I looked over at Laura and Kim who were both trying to keep from laughing. I again thanked her congratulated her and told her that I wasn’t interested in being part of her wedding party and that I would be happier being a guest in the audience.
I swear when I said this it was when we watched her entire demeanor changed and a switch flipped. She went off saying that I have to be in her wedding and that she doesn’t understand why I would say no. I told her that we only knew each other for a short time and that I had no interest in trying to plan parties, dinners, and shopping trips. She told me I needed to think about it and she would get back to me later. I told her go for it but my answer will be the same.
She walked away and I looked at Kim and Laura and asked what the ever loving fresh creepy hell was that??? Kim started to laugh and said she didn’t know. But saying no like I did might have saved me a lot of headaches in the future. Laura made the comment that she went straight to bridezilla and this was a look into what she was going to be like.
Claire came back today however she went with a different approach and handed me a list of what she wants me to do and her vision of how she sees things. I asked her why she gave me this and she said that as her man of honor these were my responsibilities. I told her again that I was not going to do any of this. She started again that she needs me to do this and “How much fun it was going to be.” Then she asked “Haven’t you ever wanted to be part of something special?” I told her I was. I was a nurse. Enter Kim who could sense that I needed help and told Claire one of her patients needed her help. I told Kim that if this keeps up I might need her help. She said she was already watching it and and would intervene if I needed it.
What did I miss??? We aren’t that close. She just transferred down to my unit from a different unit six months ago. I had no idea who she was until that point. Laura is saying that she is close in age to me and she might feel that to be enough of a connection. Did I miss something??? When we are asked are we supposed to automatically gush and jump up and down in excitement? Why is saying No a bad thing?
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: It seems Kim is useless here. You really need to go over Kim’s head and nip this in the bud right now because Claire isn’t taking “No” for an answer.
OOP: Kim will help. I know she will. She is just waiting to see what her next step is. I have had to have her help with a work issue before. If I have problems with her the next time we work together the I’ll let Kim loose.
Could this be some weird way to flirt?
It won’t work with me. I like dick. LOL And I have a boyfriend. LOL
Commenter: I’m not an expert but isn’t this an HR issue now. I mean isn’t that like harassment?
OOP: It becomes an issue if I report it. My boss is seeing all of it so far and has said that she is watching the situation and will intervene if it keeps going. I’m off tomorrow so I won’t see her for a couple of days.
Commenter: She wants to show off how different and edgy she is by having a man of honor.
She may also admire your organizing skills and get it done demeanor and thinks you’ll throw her great wedding related parties.
OOP: I’m a bad gay guy friend. I’m organized when it comes to a lot of things. But planning a wedding is something have never done and really don’t want to learn to do. If I were to ever get married it’s midnight under a full moon at the beach with a few friends and a cook out the next day. LOL
Commenter: Okay, this is going to sound weird, but since she’s advertising that it’s a non-traditional wedding, is it possible she’s after you for a specific reason? Are you gay or part of a racial minority? It’s possible she wants her wedding to look super diverse for instagram reasons and maybe she’s after you for a specific vibe In the pictures. Regardless of the reason, NTA.
OOP: I don’t know her background. Yes I am gay and the entire department knows it because I was dating a former nurse and we broke up now I’m dating someone from a different department and it’s all known. All she said was it was a less than traditional wedding and it would be okay. Yesterday K and L asked if I was afraid of something about it. Maybe if I had to wear a dress. I said I would fucking rock the dress. I might need a push up to fill out the front of a dress if it’s strapless. LOL. But I just don’t want anything to do with it. I have no interest. My life is crazy enough right now. Planning a wedding would go from crazy to insane.
Update Post 1: October 30, 2024 (Next Day)
Hey everyone.
First I apologize. I never thought this was going to go as crazy as it did. I want all of you to know I read all of your responses and responded to as many as I was able to. Thank you all for your amazing insights and comments. Many that made me laugh. Which I needed. I have been sick and that really helped to cheer me up.
I had to meet with my lawyer today regarding family issues. [editor’s note- OOP goes into detail about those issues in other posts on his profile, but they weren’t relevant here so I didn’t include them] My neighbor/best friend/coworker Laura took me. I really felt awful and driving wasn’t a good idea. We were talking about this on the way and we both were asking a lot of the same questions that all you were asking. The big one was that we were asking about the circumstances of her transfer. She went from Med Surge 4W to the ER. That is a huge change. I have to work tomorrow so we will see what happens. But Laura and I are going to ask Kim about the transfer and raise a couple of other concerns. After I got home from the meeting with my lawyer I slept for the rest of the day.
Many of you asked about if Claire and I hang out outside of work. The answer is no. I really don’t know anything about her. I have helped her a few times with patients and different things. But our relationship is 100% purely work related. That was why I was so surprised that she asked me to do this. That is why I was so surprised that she asked me about being the Man of Honor. I have a very small friend base and in all honesty I like to keep it that way.
I really have no interest in being a part of this. I’m not a wedding person. After reading so many Bridezilla stories and hearing about over the top weddings they have become a huge turn off to me spending tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars with insane unrealistic demands that turn people against each other. Why??? I would rather use that money and spend that time planning my next trip or vacation.
Many people said that I was being used as a token or prop in a wedding. Or a gay Best Friend. I never really thought about it. I admit that I’m out and proud. But I’m not going to just pretend to be someone friend just so they can fulfill some kind of fetish they have for wanting to have a gay best friend or some kind of status she feels the need to fulfill. It takes me a lot to get offended but if this were actually the case then I would really be rather offended. I was not put on the face of the Earth to be someones play toy.
A lot of people have said that maybe she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She does. She has brought him in before. If she has any insecurity I …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1gn472x/coworker_asked_me_to_be_her_man_of_honor_i_said/
A lot of people have said that maybe she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She does. She has brought him in before. If she has any insecurity I don’t understand it. She is attractive, smart and knows he stuff. So I’m at a loss as to why she is acting like this.
A lot of people say go to HR. I’m starting that process with my boss Kim. She is completely aware of the situation being with us when all this happen. She has told me that she is watching the situation and will jump in if I need her to. I trust her completely. While Kim and HR can control the situation from the hospital they can’t control the situation from a personal level if she were to maybe follow me home or a situation like that.
So I think that covers it all. I wish I could say this is over. But most likely there is more to come. Set your update me.
Comments:
Commenter: About that name. [OOP’s Username] You’re not “just an RN”, because there’s nothing “just” about RNs (or other nurses). You folks, regardless of gender, do the medical heavy lifting, and when we can’t get a straight (sorry!) answer from the oh-so-busy MDs, the nurses provide the no-shit information.
OOP: My name is kind of an ongoing running inside joke. I’m told at least once a day or so from a patient that I’m just a nurse. One day I heard it three times. I don’t really take offense to this. And in a joking way I repeated what the patient said and my boss Kim jumped my case about. That’s not the case at all. I love my job. It’s a huge part of me and who I am. It’s a part of my identity.
Commenter: I’m curious about her list of demands or responsibilities? Like, did she really think you would change your mind now that you had all this bs work to do and money to spend?
OOP: It pretty much had me planning the whole thing. She wanted me to plan the bridal shower. The Bachelorette party. Coordinate dress shopping and fittings make sure everyone was having fun with the whole thing. Just to name a few.
Commenter: OP (“what the ever loving fresh creepy hell is this?”)……. LMAO🤣😂🤣😂
OOP: I had no idea What the ever loving fresh creepybhell was from something. It’s just something I have always said.
Mini Update in Comments: October 31, 2024 (Next Day)
I’ll be posting a update in a day or two. Things came to a head today and it was pretty much just as everyone was saying. I need to take some time to understand everything that happen today. I also have a meeting scheduled Monday with the Director of Nursing at my Hospital which should bring closure. I hope.
Update Post: November 2, 2024 (3 days from previous post; 4 from OG post)
This intro is going to be long, but I’m telling you about this for a reason and later in this update it will make sense. I’m hoping this will be done and that this will be the last of this whole situation.
I was born into a family where I was referred to as “An issue that needed to be dealt with” I lived in the shadows of my sister who was the child my parents wanted. They wanted one child which was a girl. That way Dad had his daddy girl and mom had mommy little princess. Then I came along. Keep in mind that I’m 23 so back then my parents had options but chose to not use any of those options. So instead my parents raised my sister and I was raised by a nanny who even to this day is one of the biggest influences in my life and I am so grateful for her. She helped me with so much. I finally realized that all these years later that by being referred to as “An issue that needed to be dealt with” that they stripped me of my humanity and individuality and self- worth as a person. I think that’s why I have worked so hard to establish myself in my career and in my life. As a way to become a person again and not just be that issue that needed to be dealt with.
This past Thursday things came to a head with the Bridezilla known as Claire and the truth came out. My best friend Laura has been sticking close to me when we work together if Claire was to start something. We weren’t sure if she was going to leave it alone or start up again. I was really hoping that it was done. But she had to try once again. I’ve been sick and I had a busy morning so I really just wanted a few minutes to go to the bathroom, grab a quick snack and maybe breath??? Claire came up and had her list and asked if I had a few minutes to talk about the wedding planning. I looked at her and told her again no that I was not interested in being part of her wedding and that I was not going to help in anyway and she needed to drop the subject and leave me alone. Again she went into the who thing of how I was going to do this and how much fun it was going to be. Here we go with that line all of you loved the first time. “Why in the ever loving fresh creepy hell is it so important for me to be your Man of Honor? I’m not interested and I’m not doing it.”
It is as exactly as pretty much all of you told me it would be. She was just planning on using me as a token or a play toy. She took all of the fucked up gay stereo types that are out in society and put them into one sentence. “What modern liberal women isn’t going to have a Gay Bestie on her arm for special events?”
I felt everything in my stomach move and a wave of nausea come over me and I felt like I couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough. This pissed Laura off to no end. Laura is really kinda like the over protective sister that I wish I would have had and took Claire off to visit our boss Kim and laid it all out. Everything that was said. While I wasn’t in on that conversation Laura and Kim filled me in on what was said. Kim came to check on me and I was still hiding in the bathroom She knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. I asked her for a bottle of water first. While I was waiting I realized two things. I realized why I chose to not hang out with her and why didn’t like her. I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t like her just that there was something that gave me the heebeegeebees. But I realized that I didn’t like her because she is a different version of my sister. While Claire is educated and employed she doesn’t care about other people and their feelings. She is like my sister in the sense that if she wants something bad enough she will figure out how to get it. The second thing I realized was that she did exactly what my parents did to me. She completely dehumanized me and reduced me to an entity. Just kinda turned me into a token or a thing for her. I think the word that best describes it is I’m must a play toy. What really gets me is that just like my sister Claire doesn’t think she did anything wrong and I’m being too sensitive and a delicate snowflake.
The next day an emergency meeting was held at work and Claire is being suspended pending investigation and a new transfer is being looked into. Kim made the request for her to be terminated. The Director of Emergency Nursing said this was a last resort but she was going to be looking into options which could be sending her to a new hospital or facility. This didn’t go over well with me. I asked what would happen if she did the exact same thing to someone different? She didn’t really give me an answer. But she said she still needs to look into a few things and at this point she is suspended.
Anyway. Here it is. I’m still pretty sick and had to work this weekend. If I can I’ll respond. I want to thank everyone for all the amazing support. I am going back to my lawyer to see if he can figure out how to send her a Cease and Desist letter to make sure she doesn’t contact me. I’m heading to bed. Have a good night!!!
Edit
I keep forgetting to thank my boyfriend. He has been with me on this but more in the background. First when we were laughing about it. But when everything Thursday happen he was there as well. L was able to get him away from his unit for a little bit for the it will be okay boyfriend hug. He stayed the night with me a couple of nights as well also helping with me being sick. So yeah. I’m very lucky to have such a great support.
OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: What if she targets a vulnerable gay patient next? She’s a danger and a liability for your employers to be sued.
OOP: Thank you for this response. I just texted Kim and asked her about this. She said she was trying to get her fired. And she is hoping this will help the purpose.
I could picture her smile and energy when she said he wanted the token gay man. People more concerned about thier image than actually being liberal.
