This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Daddydrank-alot on 2023-08-08 14:45:33.

So obviously this is a screwed up situation all around. My dad is 58 and a severe alcoholic. I am 22, I have a half sister who is 45 and a full brother who is 24. They live in different states. I did not stay behind to care for my dad but I’ve really been his only support system.

He has been in and out of rehab, he’s been arrested for public intoxication, public indecency, DUI well over 20 times and numerous other things that would probably break the rules to talk about them. This has been going on as long as I can remember. He is destitute, malnourished and has advanced ARD (alcohol related dementia) which is worse when he doesn’t drink. He can’t work, drive or care for himself in any meaningful way. I’ve been there for all of it while my siblings left a long time ago and have done nothing other than an occasional check.

My sister arranged for him to be put in a long term care facility (she was not paying for it, state funded) fairly close to me. He was “sober” but was caught several times stealing alcohol wipes to either suck on them. I visited him twice and it was like a horror show, I didn’t realize places like this existed outside of the movies. During one of his coherent moments he begged me to take him out. I told him the second he had access to alcohol he’ll drink again. He said he knew but he’s ready to die and he’s at peace with it.

I talked it over with my husband and we hired a specialist to examine my dad and he said if he drinks he has maybe 6 months left. We did a quick remodel on our house so my dad will have easy access to a bathroom and we said we will buy him a 30 pack of cheap beer a day and he can stay with us until he’s gone.

Yes it suck’s but on one hand he has his family, he’s not covered in bed bugs, hes clean and has entertainment. He’s not stealing to fund his habit, he’s not bothering the public and he won’t get arrested.

My siblings think that he was going to get better in the facility and think Ive signed him up for a death sentence. I told them that they are welcome to move him to a facility closer to them so they can be the ones to visit him and see his food covered in roaches and his baths being wiped down with chemicals. My sister said she can’t because of her “reputation as a real estate agent” (my stomach hurt I laughed so hard) and my brother said he doesn’t want his kids to see their grandpa like that. Both ridiculous excuses but they insist on being angry with me when I’m the one who’s borne all the stress and heartache of seeing this in person.

To me this allows a man who has made some terrible choices in his life the ability to at least not linger in some hell hole for the next 10 years and die as crappy as he lived…but at least on his own terms AITA?

Edit: I can’t believe now this blew up. I’m sorry I can’t respond to everyone but such a sincere thank you to the first few comments and the threads with all the extremely helpful and critical information that my husband and I did not know.