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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-15 05:00:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRABattlePit393
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice
My husband (29M) knocked out my brother (28M) for calling me (26F) a wh*re, and my parents want me to choose, what is the right choice?
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, mention of infidelity, misogyny, physical assault, golden child syndrome
Original Post: November 5, 2024
Sorry for the throw away account, i have colleagues on my main account and i want to keep this as private as possible but also need advise.
As my title says basically.
This past weekend me and my husband were over at my parents house for a bbq, the day was going great until my brother for some reason started to have a go at me. Calling me names and belittling me. My husband pulled my brother aside and had a talk with him and the insults stopped.
An hour or so later we were standing around talking with some friends and family members and my brother came up to me and told me im a whore. His exact word were, you know you are a fucking whore right. He said it loud enough for almost everyone at the party to hear. All i saw was my husband next to me look at me, then i felt a push to the side my husband stepping infront of me and the next thing was my brother out cold on the ground with blood on his face all i heard is my mother yelling and my husband saying you don’t talk to my wife like that i warned you already.
Before i continue, my husband didn’t hurt me, he didn’t push me hard or anything like that. Don’t know how to describe it but it was like a push that someone will give you when they are trying to pass, i went like 1 step back that is all.
I am not mad at my husband, I’m mad at my brother the whole day he was demeaning me, insulting me, belittling me don’t know where this came from as he has never talk to me like that or to anyone that i know of.
The bigger problem i have it that i have to chose. Either my husband or my parents. My parents are pissed and have given me an ultimatum. I either leave my husband and divorce him or they cut me off completely. My husband doesn’t give a crap that they are mad, the only thing he is mad about it that he only got one punch in his words. I love my husband and don’t want to lose him but i also don’t want to lose my parents. They have supported me through alot and have always been there for me. I know they are serious as this is the first time they have ever issued me with an ultimatum. They also threatened my husband with a assault charge but he doesn’t care and welcomed them to do it.
I’m stuck between a dicision that will change my life forever and I’m panicking. I have received messages for friends and other family members that have given me support and condemned my husband but they are leaning more on the support side.
Any advice will be appreciated?
Edit to clarify
I am to choosing my husband, i have never questioned that but i also don’t want to lose my family. I am very family oriented and family to me is everything. I want to find a solution where i can keep both.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Info: why do your parents think it’s okay that your brother called you names? What is their excuse?
OOP: They haven’t excused his actions but they are condemning my husband for resorting to violence.
Commenter 2: What kind of family does this stuff? It sounds very disfunctional. What were the circumstances whereby your brother goes off on you like that? Now your parents issue an ultimatum? I appreciate that your husband stuck up for you, but that was a terrible political move.
OOP: One thing about my husband he is sweet and gentle but he has never cared what someone els thinks about him other than me, and his own mother.
OOP’s thoughts on violence and how her husband had done this to her brother
OOP: My husband doesn’t resort to violence i have never seen him really angry and what i saw in his face was past just anger don’t know how to describe it. This is the first time i have seen him react violently to anything.
My husband doesn’t care at all. The only peoples whose opinions matter to him is mine and his mother
My brother as well has never talked to me like that at all, this is the first time.
OOP’s husband needs to earn her parents’ forgiveness for what he has done to their son/her brother
OOP: My husband honestly doesn’t care. When i asked if he would apologized for reacting with violence just to keep the peace. He told me my brother and parents can go fuck themselves.
My husband has tried to cheer me up, but he hasn’t pushed anything on me. He hasn’t given me an ultimatum to choose him or anything. He did apologized for putting me in the position with my parents but he isn’t sorry for knocking out my brother. In my husband words i asked him nicely to stop and i did tell him he will face the consequences if he continued and he didn’t listen.
He doesn’t care what people think of him, the only opinions that matter to him are mine and his own mother.
OOP on if she had dated someone before her husband. Any chances that her brother called her names for another reason like cheating
OOP: No. My husband was my first and i have never done anything else with anyone except my husband.
Update: November 5, 2024 (same day, 14 hours later)
First i would like to thank everyone and i want to apologize as well for the way i worded my post, it’s no excuse but my emotional state isn’t the best.
Unable to link my previous post, just look on the account.
My husband is my choice and i have no intentions of leaving him at all, never had.
I know it’s early for an update but I’m more confused now about what is going on.
My parents invited me over to have a talk with them but they wanted me to come alone as they didn’t want my husband at their house. My husband refused to let me go alone and said if he isn’t going then he won’t allow me to. He basically said with you alone there they will just pile on you and that i won’t let happen, so we went together.
My parents wasn’t happy to see him and my mother wanted to say something untill my husband told her he isn’t there for them but me and if he is forced to leave i will leave with him, i agreed with him. Reluctantly they agreed, my brother was there as well. He has a broken nose, and chipped teeth and refused to look at me or my husband he just kept looking at the ground even while talking.
Apparently what happened with my brother is that he broke up with his girlfriend a month ago. It’s more like she broke up with him don’t know the reason don’t care. I wasn’t aware of this as we aren’t close like that. According to him the reason he had a go at me this weekend is because my life According to him my perfect life with my husband kept popping up on his feeds and he got jealous. Everthing on my social media is with my husband, i don’t really use it for anything els but his feed was full of my posts and that set him off as i had something that he didn’t.
If got worse when he overheard me and my mother talking when i had a discussion with her over children. Me and my husband is currently trying to have a baby and that just made Everything worse in his head, his life was falling apart and mine was going perfectly and i had and was trying for have what he wanted with his ex.
He said he didn’t take my husband seriously when he pulled him aside and my husband warned him.
I seriously don’t know why he went after me as nothing he said was true in any sense and i did ask him why he said those things. He refused to awnser me. I asked him why the whore comment because he knows my husband was my first in everything and it has only been him all these years he refused to answer. I asked him if trying to have a baby with my husband makes me a whore as it involves sex and he just left the room.
I asked my parents why they didn’t step in and tell my brother to leave or stop my dad said he wanted to but my mother told him to leave my brother be as he is not actually hurting anyone. The same with the ultimatum, the wanted to protect my brother, i asked what about me and they were silent. All my father said was the ultimatum was my mothers idea and he went along with it
This is basically where we are at the moment, alot more was said but i don’t think it’s matters
My husband did apologize to my parents for what happened but refused to apologize to my brother. When my mother asked him to apologize to my brother he outright said no. He won’t apologize for standing up for me and my brother got what he deserved he was warned and didn’t listen. My mother said it still doesn’t excuse him for hitting my brother, my husband asked my dad what will he do if someone called his wife a whore, my father said i will have a talk with that person, but will never hit someone. My husband laughed and told my dad he is a weak willed, spineless man if he allows someone to demean his wife like that. That got my mom red in the face i could see her get angry, that is when i told my husband it’s time to leave.
I told my parents that i will b…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1grot9e/my_husband_29m_knocked_out_my_brother_28m_for/
I told my parents that i will be going low contact with them and the ultimatum they gave me broke the trust i had in them, i understand they wanted to protect my brother but in doing that they hurt me, this seemed to take all the anger out of my mother. They asked if i will be cutting them out completely and i told then that is up to them. I don’t want anything to do with my brother at the moment as he can’t even apologize for what he said to me. I told them if they can respect my wishes we will see.
When we got up to leave my husband went over to my parents and actually still greeted them politely but told my dad it’s time grow a back bone. I don’t know what i saw but i think it was shame in my mothers face because my dad looked at my mother and she looked away from him.
This is were we are at the moment. My husband on the way back home apologized for possibly escalating things but told me it was time someone told my dad the truth. He said what ever punishment comes he will take and deal with any fall out. I don’t need to worry or stress about anything.
Edit:
Brothers ex cheated on him and apparently he begged her, to fix things but she choose the other guy and now he is just pissed and angry at every woman and believe we will all do that eventually. Got a message from my cousin the family had a go at my parents for allowing my brother to talk to me the way he did and they came clean as to why he did what he did, But couldn’t do it when i was over and we talked. They couldn’t be honest with me and just refused to answer.
Additional Information from OOP:
OOP: Honestly, really thinking about it.
The only person i have felt genuine unconditional love and support from is my husband.
There are a lot of thing i just swept under the rug and thought it was siblings things but looking back whenever my brother had a difficult time it wat taken out on me in some way and my parents have never stuck up for me.
My husband has had my back around every corner and had never thrown things in my face like my parent or brother has.
OOP on her parents’ relationship and why they are not hearing her out
OOP: My father just follows what my mother said, im my 26 years of life i have never seen my dad go against my mother with anything. Anything she says or want to do it fine with him no matter the cost. For instance my dad basically has no friends as my mother didn’t like them so he gave them up and hasn’t made new friends because when he tried my mother find something she doesn’t like about that person and he agrees
OOP should had gone alone to talk with her parents and brother about her husband’s behavior
OOP: So i should take the way he worded it over the fact that he wanted to be there and make sure im not getting gaslighted. I took it as he want to ensure I’m safe and what happens doesn’t happen again.
My wording is bad as my emotional state isn’t the best that is on me and i should have probably double checked everything before posting but his emotional state can’t be any better than mine. He is dealing with everything and on top of that he is trying his best to keep my mood up.
I know it sounded bad but i took what he said with all the other actions he took sofar to keep me safe.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
So husband is right, OP dad is a spineless man who raised a POS son who thinks its ok to start fights for no reason. Seems like husband taught everyone a lesson they needed.
