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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-15 05:01:05+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Traditional_Hour_483

Originally posted r/AITAH

AITA for going behind my wife’s back and telling her pregnant sister that she’s being cheated on

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse

Original Post: November 3, 2024

I have been married to my wife for 3 years, I am 27 and she’s 26, my sil is 30 and my pos bil is 31, I always had a close relationship with my sil, we are friends, also has a decent connection between my bil, not that close but we often talk and get along

My wife and her sister didn’t get along as much as you would expect from siblings, it wasn’t just normal siblings rivalry but constant fights and arguments

Anyway 3 weeks ago when I was having dinner with my friends, I saw my bil with another woman, they were just eating, I didn’t think much of it, I wanted to go and greet him but i kept talking to my friends, after a while I saw that he gave a light kiss to this woman I was so shocked

I decided to not confront him and when I got back to my home I told my wife everything, I told her that her sister is getting cheated on and we need to tell her, my wife said we should talk to my bil instead of telling her sister and we should not break their marriage because her sister is pregnant

I was like wtf? So what is she’s pregnant? Her husband is a cheat, I tried to convince my wife multiple times that we should tell her sister the truth, I told her that I know you guys don’t get along but she’s still your sister and this isn’t right but she asked me to stay out of it

I tried my best to convince my wife but she either ignored me or said we shouldn’t break their marriage, I had enough of her and yesterday I told her that I am coming clean to my sil, she and I have a great bond and I CANT AND WONT betray her, my wife said if I tell her the truth she will not talk to me, I replied I won’t talk to you either if you don’t want to do what’s right

Today I told my sil the truth, I went to her place and told her everything, she was doubtful and she asked me to leave, after a few hours my sil called me and she was crying and said what I said was the truth and she shouldn’t have doubted me and kicked me, she said she’s leaving

I asked her where would you go? Do you have money? She said she does but not that much, I wired her a bit and said she should call me if she needs help and she thanked me and said she will only use the money I sent if it’s necessary otherwise she will return

My bil called my wife and well my wife lashed onto me and said I ruined HER family and HER sister’s life, I said I thought the moment we got married your family is mine and my family is yours? Anyway why tf are you defending that pos so much? What about your sister?

She didn’t reply to me and she’s not talking to me either, I tried to talk to her and convince her that it was the right thing to do, but she wouldn’t talk to me so I said fine stay angry and if you want to divorce me then go ahead

I think I have nuked my marriage, do not know if what I did was truly right

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Sounds like your wife supports cheaters and that should be worrying to you. NTA.

OOP: I thought about it and I am concerned about it but I somewhat think she just asked me to not tell her because my sil is pregnant and it will cause her more stress, that’s just what I think but the truth is, if I hide it and support my wife I am in the wrong, if I tell her the truth after she gives birth then still I am wrong

If I hide it forever then I am still wrong, like what am I supposed to do? Cover up for the betrayer and not help my family? Even my wife is angry at me and probably will lose her if I already haven’t lost her

Commenter 2: NTA, if I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. Your wife has no moral standards.

OOP: I truly have been thinking about this, that she might just be…

But I love and trust my wife and I was thinking she wanted me to not tell her because my sil is pregnant and women knows how stressful pregnancy and after pregnancy is and she might have thought that she needs support from her husband? Idk nothing here makes sense to me

There was nothing for me to suspect of her cheating on me

Commenter 3: I’m surprised your wife wouldn’t tell her sister.

OOP: So am I, what I think is that no matter how strained both sisters relationship is, atleast a sibling would have the back of their sibling especially when they are pregnant but she didn’t even try to help her sister and angry at me

I am like wtf? Is this really the woman I got married to?

Update: November 7, 2024 (four days later)

It’s been a few days since I told my wife’s sister that her husband is a cheat, just to clarify to all the weridos, no I am not in love with my sil, I don’t have any inappropriate relation/feelings for her, I respect her and she’s family

In any case yesterday I asked my wife why she is pissed and wanted me to not reveal the truth to her sister I know you guys hate each other but you guys are siblings

My wife said it’s not our place to interfere, I asked are you okay with her sister being cheated on? She said she isn’t but it will and has ruined their marriage because of my stupidity, she’s pregnant and the child needs his father and so does the wife

I was so shocked when she said this, like wtf?

I asked her if I were to cheat on you would you forgive me? She said yes, I also asked her if she ever cheats on me would she hide it from me, she also said yes to that

I was so shocked I asked her if she knows what she’s saying, she said ‘yes and she’s confident, just because you had sex with someone else doesn’t mean everyone else has to suffer and break the family’

I had no words to say, I told her that I also sent my sil money, she started screaming at me and said I shouldn’t have helped her despite knowing she doesn’t like her sister

I said if that’s what she thinks then it’s better if we just divorce, she got angry and screamed ‘fine’ and started packing her bag

I tried my best to stop her from leaving, I told her that I love her and I just did what I felt right, nobody has to suffer betrayal like this, she said it is wasnt the ‘right time’

I asked her so when should we tell her the truth? After she gives birth? Because it will worsen her ppd Or years after she gives birth?, she will just blame us

She said we should have just kept quite and left it alone, I tried so hard to stop her but she didn’t listen to me and left, I tried to contact her and her parents, her friends but they don’t know where she is and instead started interrogating me and saying I am her husband and I should have taken care of her and I should know where she is, I even visited my bil to confirm my suspicions but I didn’t see her car or her belongings anywhere

I hate that I am being blamed for just revealing the truth and my wife leaving me right away without a second thought, I was so damm pissed so today I called my sil and told her that she can stay at my place cause I am going to my parents and my wife left and nobody knows where she is

She told me she will try talking to her parents but after a while she called me and said that their parents don’t know where she is, I told her to think about herself and come over and stay here instead of blowing up her money

Now I am at my parents and my sil is in our home, maybe I was being petty but I hate that my wife gave up on me and left without a second thought, I don’t know whether shes cheating or cheated or she would truly cheat on me and her own blood sister with a family relative, over feuds, one thing is for sure tho, I cannot trust my wife anymore, she hurt me

Relevant Comments

OOP should not had gone behind his wife’s back to tell his SIL about the affair

OOP: Yes I did, I went behind her back, I tried so hard to not to, but she is COVERING up for a cheater and she wouldn’t even spare her own sister, I love my wife and I mean it but that doesn’t mean I will give up on my own morals and my self worth just to please the woman I love

I consider my wife’s family as my own, why did she tried to stop me tho? Why am I the bad guy in her eyes?

Is it just as easy to say ‘none of our business’ and forget about everything else?

Commenter 1: I’m sorry op! The way your wife speaks on the subject of cheating is concerning. Especially that she would hide it from you. If I were in your shoes, I won’t be able to trust her either. How she doesn’t look at cheating on your SO as a huge dealbreaker is beyond me! Some couples can forgive and move past it, but not all. The baby’s father can still in his/her life. I’m sorry you’re hurting & going thru this. Hugs!

OOP: Yeah, I feel like she isn’t even the woman I married, she’s like a completely different person

Maybe the comments about I married the wrong sister …

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