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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HelpIHateTexas on 2023-08-09 12:42:16.

I care for my parents, mainly my dad. He’s had a stroke, quintuple bypass, aortic valve replacement, Pacemaker and has end-stage COPD, for which he’s in the hospital often. The man has nine lives. Recently, he went into the ER because his Pacemaker was beeping. It was the first time it had beeped so it freaked him out, especially since he’s had it less than a year.

My dad’s way of handling his many trips to the hospital is to joke around with staff and downplay the seriousness of the situation. He does this to relieve his own nervousness and to keep my mom from getting too upset. He was being his usual self as he got hooked up to telemetry. We were all trying to keep things lighthearted.

The ER has a machine that will run a diagnostic on the Pacemaker. To use it the nurse needed the model. My mom keeps a card in her purse for this very reason but couldn’t find it. After a while of searching she was approaching a panic attack. The nurse was sighing while Mom was getting increasingly upset. Finally Mom found it and the nurse ran the diagnostic.

The results don’t come immediately. They are sent to the manufacturer then the nurse has to call to get the results. While waiting I went to the bathroom. As I was walking back, I passed the nurse’s station and could hear her talking to the Pacemaker tech. She told the tech, in an annoyed voice: “yeah this family is totally off” like we were crazy people.

I was stunned, so kept walking but was pissed by the time I got back to Dad’s room. I didn’t tell my parents what I heard because I didn’t want to upset them.

Turns out the Pacemaker just needed an adjustment, then Dad was discharged. At this point, I told the nurse that I didn’t appreciate what she told the Pacemaker tech. I told her that my parents were the kindest, least crazy people she could ever meet. They had been through so much they just couldn’t get super serious anymore for every potential emergency. She looked at me shocked, put her head down and apologized - she didn’t intend for me to hear it. There was an assistant in there too who just went wide-eyed and didn’t speak.

As we were leaving the hospital, my dad realized he forgot his wallet, so I went back in the ER to grab it. The nurse stopped me and was crying. She apologized again, said she’d had a long day, was flustered by my Mom’s panicking and that she’d never purposely insult a patient. I nodded and told her I’d pass her apology along to my parents.

After we left though, I started feeling really awful. My first career was as an RT in an ER and I know it can get exhausting. I also know some patients can really be difficult to handle and remembered how my coworkers and I used to get frustrated. I further thought I was wrong to bring my complaint up with the assistant in the room (though I’m not sure when else I could have talked to her alone). It’s been bugging me since. So am I the asshole?