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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fragile_Giraffe on 2023-08-09 17:27:31.

Literal first time posting on this sub, possibly on any sub?

I (31F) am getting married in October. We are doing a very small ceremony and originally wanted only 25 people (both due to cost and just that we wanted something more intimate). My family and my fiancé’s family are located in different states. The ceremony is in neither of those states, but we have been clear that people don’t have to come if the travel is too much. Despite it being a very small event, my mom has been in sort of a craze. One thing we have been arguing about consistently is the guest list. Before you ask, yes, she is contributing to the wedding. As is my father (they are divorced) and my fiancé’s father. It is not a whole lot of money as it is not a big wedding, but with those contributions we are paying for almost nothing ourselves. My mom seems to think that by contributing to the wedding, she gets to decide who comes from her side of the family. I have been open to hearing her out, and as a result my list has already increased from 25 to about 40. I am trying not to be close-minded, but I also feel like as it is my wedding, it should be my choice.

Here is where I may be the AH. I have gotten very sick of the arguments about guest lists. This has been going on for months and I have conceded almost every time. The other day, she texted me to ask if I invited a distant family member who lived far away that I hadn’t seen or heard from in probably 10 years. I said no. She called me immediately and said she was confused because she knew we talked about it and she couldn’t remember where WE had landed. She went on to say that she found it hard to believe WE hadn’t included that distant family member as WE had talked about maybe inviting him. I finally lost my composure, and said, “No, I did not invite him because I never see or talk to him, so that is what I decided.” (Very large emphasis on the “I”s). She sorta scoffed and expressed confusion, and I told her that she keeps saying “we” and that it is MY wedding and “I” will decide. She went silent and I changed the subject. I’ve hardly heard from her since (though she has been very busy with work).

I’m wondering if I’m the AH because she has expressed to me that “traditionally, if the parent is contributing then they have a say in who is invited.” I told her I understood where she was coming from, but if her contribution was conditional and came with stipulations on who I need to invite, I don’t want it. She hasn’t brought that specifically (contributing to the wedding) since.

AITA?