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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top_Teaching_7287 on 2023-08-09 20:47:52.

I (28m) and have been married to my wife “Bella” (28f) for 5 years.

We both met and went to the same college. She pre-law while I was doing animation. She graduated top of our class and went to a T20 law school. While she was in law school, I had a lot of trouble finding a job in my field or a job at all, really. I ended up working in a kitchen as a line cook to help support us (in addition to loans she took out) while she was going to school so she could just focus on her classes.

Bella got a very good job in a different state after she graduated, so I quit my job and haven’t gotten another one since. We have no kids, a nice house for the two of us, and are overall living very very comfortably. She works very long hours, so I take care of most of the household things. Cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, re-painting the walls and doing other work and renovations to the house.

In the last 6 months Bella’s started referring to me as her “house husband” around our family and friends. I’ve mostly been letting it go but every single time it bothers me. I’m already insecure about not being able to find a good job and it makes me feel even more inadequate. I finally got to the end of my rope when we were with her mother on Sunday, who still doesn’t really approve of me, and they were talking about taking care of the lawn/garden and she said, “Thank goodness I have a house husband for that or I’d never find the time” and smiled at me. Then they both laughed. It was humiliating.

I didn’t say anything at first but I guess she could tell that I was really upset and asked what was wrong. I told her that she needed to stop emasculating me and making it seem like I didn’t contribute anything to the household. We were arguing back and forth and she told me that she would stop calling me a house husband if I was going to “get that upset about it” but that it wasn’t an untrue term and I needed to stop being insecure.

Bella refuses to apologize. I feel like she doesn’t fully appreciate my value as her husband. I’ve stopped doing the chores until she apologizes and she is beyond pissed off. She’s been coming home and cooking dinner (only for herself) and doing the chores I haven’t and then taking off to spend the night at a friends house. I was talking to my sister about it and she told me that Bella was wrong but I was being immature in my response. The thing is, if I give in she’s going to keep thinking what she’s been doing is okay. I don’t even know anymore. AITA?