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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_8969323 on 2023-08-10 02:53:08.

For about three months now, I (32M) have been working out in my apartment building’s gym. I work from home, and usually go every weekday after work and before my girlfriend (28F) gets home. I put in an hour to 90 minutes and get back after she’s gotten home.

I’ve been really happy with my results as I’ve begun to look and feel a lot better. However, throughout the same period of time, my girlfriend has been getting increasingly shitty about my gym time. Her biggest complaint is that I’m not home when she gets home, “which sucks.” I’ve offered to wait until she got home to go, or that we could go together, but she didn’t like that either.

I recently discussed the situation with a friend of mine, and he made an observation that got me thinking. He said that, every time I had tried to do something to better myself, she had gotten angry. He provided examples: When we met, I was in graduate school at night, and she made a lot of comments complaining about how I was out late so often. When I talked about getting a certification for work so that I’d have a better chance at a promotion, she all but forbade it. Even when I started learning French on Duolingo, she complained about “that stupid app you’re always on.” As I thought about it, I realized that he was right.

I offer to include her in all these activities, but she wants no part of any of them. It’s not even a clinginess, because she’s perfectly happy to sit and watch television or watch TikTok while I play video games in the other room. I understand that she doesn’t want to do these things with me, but I just cannot understand why she’s so mad about me doing these things on my own. If she wanted to take a class, or learn something new, or do something positive like that, I would absolutely support her, and I just don’t understand her reaction to any of this.

This finally came to a head yesterday, when I got home from the gym.

Sure enough, when I came in, she snapped at me, “Where have you been?”

I got angry and I snapped back, “Where the fuck do you think I’ve been?” and gestured to my gym clothes and water bottle. We argued a bit about everything I’ve mentioned above.

And this is where I may have ceded the high ground. Because I then said, “Hey, if you want to be fat and lazy your whole life, that’s your choice. But I don’t, so get off my ass!”

She burst into tears, ran into the bedroom and shut the door. She was in there while I showered and then made dinner. She only came out when I knocked on the door and told her that food was ready. We ate silently in front of the television. Then, she went back into the bedroom. When I went in to go to bed, she was already asleep. Or, at least, lying in bed with her back to me.

All last night and today I’ve been dwelling on this. I go back and forth between feeling badly about losing my temper, and getting mad about her constant complaining. Am I the asshole for what I said? To be clear, she isn’t actually fat.