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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Leading_Gene4976 on 2023-08-10 05:00:44.

I (32M) and my wife (25F) are expecting our first child. I’ve reacted in ways I’m now questioning and need outside perspective.

Background: My childhood was a tumultuous one. Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son. My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire. During her first pregnancy appointments, I was on an essential business trip. These trips, though draining, are critical since I’m the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had.

In my absence, my wife and her adopted mother attended the check-ups. Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy. We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather.

However, a chance remark from her mother disclosed we’re having a girl. My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn’t tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings. I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals. In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn’t welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit.

I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas. I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?