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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sufficient_Pen_607 on 2023-08-10 09:57:56.

Throwaway Account

I (24m) have a brother “Dave” (30m) who is engaged to “Tanya” (36f). Now I love my brother, I do. Although if I’m being honest Tanya is WAY out of his league. She’s successful, has two bachelor’s and a masters, owns her own five bedroom house, two cars, speaks three languages, and is pretty stylish. I honestly don’t know how Dave landed her but proposing was one of the smartest things he could’ve done.

After they got engaged, Dave moved into Tanya’s place and in her bedroom closet she has this custom made safe. The only reason I even know about the safe is because Dave told me and a few of his friends about it when we were out at a bar. I would’ve rode it off as an interesting but unnecessary fact that I didn’t need to know. One of Dave’s friends however, “Carl” (30m) started to subtly probe for more information. Like: “How big is the safe?” “What’s in it?” “Is it one of those fancy voice activated ones?” etc.

Dave admitted to not knowing and when asked Tanya said that it did have important documentation, some cash, etc. but refused to let him see or give him the passcode. Big mistake confessing that because almost everyone started giving Dave a hard time about Tanya not giving him the code, telling him that since they were going to get married he would be entitled to know, and even helped him come up with strategies to get Tanya to give in and give him the code. I spoke up a couple of times saying this didn’t sound like a good idea, but was shut down because I wasn’t in a relationship. Fair enough. So I left it alone.

Cue the fights between Dave and Tanya about “lack of trust,” “no honesty,” and “what if there was…” Eventually Tanya agreed to give him the code but under the promise that he would only ever go in there if Tanya passed before him. Dave felt like such a big man when he told us how he “won” and when he invited us all over to his place (Tanya was out of town), Carl and a few others started giving him a hard time again thinking that he lied about Tanya not giving the passcode and wanted him to prove it.

Dave eventually caved to the pressure and took everyone upstairs to open it. I stayed down stairs but I was told what happened. When Dave opened the safe the only thing that was in there was an a note inside saying that if he ever confronted her (Tanya) about this then the relationship would be over, no room for discussion. Carl and the others ragged on him and Dave kicked them all out while I stayed to help clean up.

Dave kept ranting about how hurt and embarrassed he felt and calling Tanya “manipulative” and how toxic she was for setting up secret texts. Dave asked me what I thought about it and was shocked when I calmly said he had it coming. He allowed himself to be bullied by his friends to reveal potentially sensitive information and seeing as how this place is in Tanya’s name and that she’s making him sign a prenup, I wouldn’t test my luck if I was him. Dave called me TA am I?