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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/M2Yb23 on 2023-08-10 16:31:56.

For those who want to read the original post, it’s available here.

I initially want to thank the comments that helped me understand that I was in the wrong. I learned that I was being extremely selfish, only looking out for my own children and my fear that they might somehow face bullying at home, but I wasn’t considering the feelings of my stepson. I’ve also learned that the dynamics between siblings, something I never experienced, inevitably involve a bit of competition and rivalry.

I was so focused on myself and my kids that I couldn’t see that if he wants to live with us, then obviously he cares about us, especially the idea of having siblings. So, I hope we will work together build a great dynamic in our house.

I talked to my fiancé, even showed him this Reddit post, and told him that I agree our stepson should live with us, that I was wrong about my reservations concerning the boy.

He talked to the mother of my stepson, who has legal custody of him. I didn’t participate in the conversation, as I understand it’s a moment for the biological parents. Despite being reluctant, after hearing from her own child that he wanted to live with us, she agreed to work out an arrangement where he will spend a significant amount of time with us. My fiancé and boy’s mother will still have to discuss the details.

After that, my fiancé and I took my stepson out to eat his favorite burger and talked. I told him that we’re happy to have him as a new member of our household, that we’re going to look for a new house to better accommodate the family now that we’ll be five, and he can have his own room. He was very happy.

We didn’t address some concerns that I still have, like the issue of discipline and following rules. I avoided that topic so it doesn’t seem like I’m threatening him to go back to living with his mom. I want him to feel accepted unconditionally in our home. But of course, we’ll have that conversation about discipline with the older two soon to prevent any issues and also emphasize the importance of maintaining good grades in school.

PS.: There’s no need for anyone here to send me messages cursing me out. I’ve received dozens of offensive messages, and it doesn’t help anyone. I’ve also received supportive messages with advice, and I appreciate those messages. Internet and this community don’t need to be a place for hate.