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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/zenichi on 2023-08-10 20:43:55.

My 17 year-old daughter began a part-time job at a restaurant at the start of the summer. Last Sunday, something happened and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to work through how to respond to it.

In a nutshell, one of the restaurant managers (in his late 40s) had been sexually harassing her for the past few months. It began innocently (in her opinion). The manager complimented her on her appearance, would occasionally put his arm around her, talk about and ask her questions about sex, etc…he was her manager so while it made her a bit uncomfortable, she laughed it off and didn’t put her foot down. Again, this fucking guy is in his 40.

Last Sunday, things went off the rails and the manager said things like “I want to finger your pussy.” and “Let’s go back to the office for a few minutes and we can fuck.” And much more…

My daughter got very uncomfortable with all this but finished her shift and came home, distraught over her day.

Pretty quickly, she told me about what went down and her desire to just quit the job and find another one. I told her that while I supported any decision she wanted to make, this guy would definitely continue that kind of behavior with other young women if left unchallenged. I wasn’t trying to pressure her but to be honest, my own reaction to the situation was in flux. How should I respond? I wanted to call the cops…I wanted to go over there with a nine-iron and tee off his head…I wanted to call the owner, etc. I went through a roller coaster of emotions when it really sunk in what this douchebag said to my kid and how it had made her uncomfortable and scared.

Ultimately, I decided I would call the owner of the restaurant. I’ve been going to that place for 20+ years and have watched it grow from a tiny shop to a much bigger one. It’s become a community spot and the place has always struck me as well-run. I felt that giving the owner the opportunity to address the situation was fair versus making big public noise about it. I also felt that approach would be least stressful for my daughter.

My daughter felt that she was partially to blame and it was brutal for me to see her respond in that way. I suggested that she document everything she could remember going back to when it started. I also asked her to reach out to any of her coworkers to see if they also had similar experiences with the manager. I felt confident that this was not his first time doing this. She called two of her friends who also work there and both of them shared similar experiences. No surprise there. I encouraged her to join me in calling the owner and I said I would be willing to do all the speaking but I did want her to listen in. She agreed so I put my phone on speaker and dialed the owner.

The owner was in Europe on holiday but took my call and we spoke for half an hour. I didn’t give him the specific details of what was said to my daughter but made it clear how inappropriate it all was and how freaked out and upset my daughter was. The owner genuinely sounded upset and angry and hinted at firing the manager immediately. I told him that he should finish his holiday and deal with it when he came back. My daughter would not be going in to work again until he returned anyway. The owner offered to meet me this past Monday in person which I agreed to. My daughter listened in to this conversation and when I hung up, I could see the relief on her face at it all.

I went in to the restaurant on Monday and met him in a quiet section in the back of the restaurant and he began the conversation saying how sorry he was we were even dealing with this situation. He said that he spoke to the manager who was super apologetic. The owner began explaining to me that the manager in question was hispanic and culturally, this was not entirely unusual. The owner also told me how difficult it was to hire people to staff his restaurant and then asked me what I thought he should do about the situation.

I was totally calm in my communications with the owner but clearly, he wasn’t getting it. I told him that it wasn’t up to me to tell him how to run his business but that I felt the manager was a serious liability for him. I reminded him that I could have called the police or handled this in any number of ways and I reminded him that my daughter was 17. The things the manager said to her were mind-blowing. At that point, the owner asked if I could share some specifics and when I ran down the things the manager said to my 17 year old, the owner’s jaw dropped to the table. He told me he’d call me in a week w/ an update.

He called me two days later. That manager who worked there for 15 years was fired on the spot. The owner has asked me repeatedly to tell me daughter that she should come back to work. I won’t pressure her on this but I also think it would be good if she did. The restaurant did the right thing after all.

I’ve never quite had to deal with something like this before but I think it turned out well.