This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/Sp1cy_Chicken_Tender on 2023-08-11 12:52:55.

My spouse and I have been married for 9 years. We have two young kids. He used to pretty much always go to bed before me. Some time ago I noticed that he was starting to stay up later. One night I came out to get some water after heading to bed and came across him masturbating. No big deal, who doesn’t like a little sexy me time? However he was super embarrassed about it. The next time it happened (we have a small house with little privacy) I tried to join in and he got mad. When I talked to him about it when some time had passed, he told me that’s just the way he is and I have to accept it. I have a very active libido. I enjoy sex and everything to do with intimacy. I don’t really ever have to be convinced and I rarely get headaches. Now that being said, I am 95% of the time the one initiating. If I stay up with him at night, he doesn’t have any interest in initiating. If I go to bed, within 20 minutes, he’s watching porn and masturbating. I have talked to him about it and asked why that is. He says it’s just a biological function he does to get to sleep, but he doesn’t have any sleep issues. He’s one of those lie down anywhere and be out in minutes people. I have told him that my needs aren’t being met and that I would like to feel more desired by him. It hasn’t changed anything nor did he even ask what those needs are. If we weren’t married, I would think he isn’t into me.

Am I overthinking it? How would you feel and what would you do in this situation?