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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/KittenDealinMama on 2023-08-11 16:30:32.
Originally posted by u/apprehensive-you-913 in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 3, '23 updated 10 hrs later.
Trigger Warning: Mental health, high risk pregnancy, miscarriage
Aug 3, '23
AITA if I uninvite my SIL who’s in love with my husband?
AITA if I uninvite my (32f) SIL (30f), I’ll call her Tina, from my baby shower because I think she’s in love with my husband? My husband (33m) and I met each other at a ski lodge 9 years ago. I was with my young daughter and a female friend and her child. My husband was with his 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a few friends. There was a singing competition and both of us were set up by our friends to enter it. Sparks flew during our duet and the rest is history. Back to our first meeting. This was the 1st time I caught on to my SIL’s disturbing behavior. After the singing competition, he and I went to the cafe to chat. His middle sister, Tina, who was adopted at birth, came storming up to us and demanded he come back to their group. She never looked at me and whined when he shut her down. She ran off crying and apparently took her sister’s room keycards and locked them out so they had to stay with the friends in their room.
Fast forward to when we bought a house together. We had a housewarming and invited family and close friends. Tina showed up in a sexy club outfit. She ignored me the entire time and hung all over my husband (bf at the time). She kept recalling tales of them when they were little and how close they were. She’d kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and touched his arm when laughing, he was visibly uncomfortable so I stepped in. At first, I just thought she had a crush on him, but the way she was acting looked like she was the girlfriend and not me. She was going around reminding/telling everyone that he use to say he never wanted to have kids, but now he’s playing daddy to my daugther. One of my friends said she thought Tina was weird for talking about how “hot” his modeling photos were when he did print work back in college and that her favorite photo was of them at a beach in Hawaii during a family vacation a few years back.
The most bizarre thing she told a few people was that he had never dated a woman of color before and now all of a sudden he’s in love. It’s only bizarre to me because she’s biracial, so I don’t know why this would bother her, unless she’s jealous of me because she wished she were me. Then things go south at the end of the night when he gets down on one knee and proposes to me. She started crying and ran to the restroom. Their dad went to check on her and then drove her home. I knew exactly why she was upset, but my husband always equated her behavior to jealously because she never had healthy relationships.
After that tantrum, she skipped our wedding, baby shower, our children’s birthday parties, and other family events that we attended. I was fine with extending invitations because I knew she wasn’t going to show up. She had some sort of mental break down and was in and out treatment for years.
Now I have to say, I wish nothing but the best for her and I don’t know what kind of issues she’s going through, but I don’t want her disrupting our peace. I’m currently pregnant and our baby shower is at the end of this month. I’m having it a few months early because I’m at risk for going into labor early, like I did with my other two children. My MIL called to RSVP and stated Tina would be riding with them and if it was ok if she brought her new boyfriend. I was surprised because we hadn’t seen her in years, but I was apprehensive to agree. Eventually, I did agree and hoped that she resolved whatever caused her so much distress when she was around my family. Well it took all of 24 hours for her to start her nonsense. She text my husband paragraphs at 3am telling him him how she felt about our family.
First, she went on to say how much she missed them being close and how I came in and destroyed their close relationship, when I barely said 50 words to her in 9 years. She asked him if he was happy with his life because again, he use to say he never wanted kids or to get married. She then asked if he thought about her in all this time and if he could meet up with him before the shower and talk alone, face to face. That was the last straw for me. I asked my husband if he knew she was in love with him and he just shrugged and said he didnt’t doubt my theory. Apparently, when she was 11, she asked if they could cuddle and kiss and he said no. He admits her behavior since then has always been weird and dramatic, but he didn’t pay her much attention because there were many siblings and they all hung out all the time. I asked him if he could uninvite her and this “new boyfriend” because I think she’s going to bring drama to our baby shower. He said he wants to talk to his parents first to see what kind of state she’s been in, but I know in my gut that she’s ready to ruin our day with her theatrics. So AITA for wanting to uninvite her to the baby shower?
Edit: For those of you wondering if anything intimate ever happened between them, the answer is no. I am 100% certain of this. He has a total of 3 adopted siblings (2f and 1m). He says he sees them as blood-related siblings because the 3 of them were adopted at birth. He’s the 2nd youngest, and they’re all within 1-4 years of each other, so all he knows them as siblings. He said he chooses to ignore her because she’s always been dramatic. He’s always worried about her physical safety because she’s suffered from depression for as long as he can remember so he tries to handle things gently. He’s not opposed to uninviting her, but he does want to know what his parents think about her mental state and whether she can behave.
2nd Edit: So I keep seeing something about High School Musical. I’m a little too old to have watched that show/movie, but didn’t know about that plot. I changed some details of how we met so this post wouldn’t be immediately recognizable, but it’s very much, unfortunately, my life right now. My husband is on his way home right now, despite having another 3 hours left at work, because his phone kept blowing up. He didn’t sound good on the phone, but he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I don’t want to call back his mom and other sister to ask what’s going on, but I’ll try to post an update when, hopefully, we come to a final solution because I’m stressed and over this.
10 hrs later
*UPDATE: **
This will probably be my last update since my husband and I decided that we need to be completely removed from SIL’s drama/trauma so we can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and family life. I have an appointment with a perinatologist (a high-risk prenatal doc) tomorrow morning that was scheduled weeks ago to check on the baby. Thank you to those who were concerned about me and the baby.
So I don’t even know where to start, so I apologize if this update seems all over the place. I also have to point out for the person who went through my comment history. I switched the numbers, genders, and event details so I wasn’t as easily identified in real life. I have a professional license so if someone recognized me and thought I was being unethical due to the nature of the post (I’ve avoided certain verbiage because of my job), I could be brought in for a review, which I would much like to avoid so I’m sorry I can’t be 100% truthful with all of the details. I tried my best to keep the most important information as factual as possible.
My husband ran home because Tina BLEW UP his phone, texting and calling. Now, my husband ALWAYS texts or calls me on his lunch break to check on me, even before the pregnancy, so I knew something was wrong when he didn’t. Since he left Tina on read, she started calling and sending a slew of unwarrented and degrading texts about me and our children, so basically Tina being Tina. He didn’t run it by me, but he sent her a long paragraph, which he showed me when he got home, basically telling her off and told her that he would rather never speak to her again than listen to her talk bad about our family. He told her she would never be invited to any of our family functions and that she needed to check herself back into the hospital if she thought their sibling relationship was ever closer than it actually was. He closed it by saying he would let the family know the reason she was uninvited and that he hoped she’s either seeing a therapist or would find one immediately. I’m not surprised at his response because the things she said pushed him to that breaking point. I think the worst thing she said was that my 2 miscarriages years ago, which would have been our first child together, was caused because we don’t actually belong together and that my body couldn’t even carry any of my children to term (32 and 33 weeks deliveries). I expected her to bring something like this up, but I could tell it really hurt him, and that’s why he didn’t hold back from her. He then blocked her and told me he’s changing our phone numbers.
He called his parents and the oldest/bio sister, whom he is close with, and explai…
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