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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MerryMisandrist on 2023-08-11 17:01:24.

I am an well established person at my company. I have led successful projects over the last 10 years and have mentored several people who have gone on to bigger and better roles afterwards. I have a reputation of being a good coach and developer of talent and as a result of my successful project history and mentoring results, I get a lot of requests to mentor people. This ask comes from both management and individuals. The final decision who gets mentored is up to me. It depends on if I am already mentoring someone, if my bandwidth allows it or if I think the person would benefit from a mentor relationship.

I am currently kicking off a high visibility project and do not have a mentor at the moment. I was approached by a manager from another area about mentoring one of their people and pulling them on to the project. The type of project aligns with the associates development goal / career path. The visibility from both mentorship and working on the project would push them in to higher position immediately at the end of the project. I had an idea of who the person was, but when the manager confirmed it, I declined and said my bandwidth would not allow me to take her on, I would simply be too busy.

The real reason for my decision is that I know the person and do not like her, professionally and personally. She has a history of reporting her co workers to management for any infraction or going to HR for for any perceived slight. The attrition rate in the her area is high and I would say it is toxic because of her presence. Long story short, I do not need that drama or want to take the risk for someone like that. Since I have final say and its not part of my official role, that should have been the end of it. Nope…

The following week, I was pulled in to HR for a meeting to discuss my decision not to mentor the person, yup, they complained. So in this meeting I am asked why and I state I did not have the capacity to take on the role. I was then pushed to change my decision as it would look bad if I did not. I reminded them that it is not part of my work description and role. We went back and forth and it ended, HR stated that this would not look good in my file. I still did not budge and have refused to take the person.

I had a meeting with my boss and his boss afterwards and was told that I had nothing to worry about and that HR is basically afraid of this person and do what they can to prevent her from making waves. I still never admitted my real reason to them, but I think they got the message.

Interestingly enough, the person turned has requested a 1 on 1 meeting with me, which I have declined multiple times. I also go out of my way avoid her if I am alone.

So AITA for declining to mentor a person because of their personality and history of complaining about co workers when they would be a good fit for the role and would help their career immensely?