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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/redstar15551 on 2023-08-11 17:25:30.

This happened last night. BEFORE YOU COMMENT READ THE BOTTOM

I’ve (25M) known my friend Jerome (26M (not his name)) since middle school. He’s one of my best friends, and the first Thursday of every month, our friend group has a get together at his house.

His wife Jasmine (30F, also not her name) is a very sweet lady, and their kids (both 4) are both very funny and polite, if not a little energetic. And they love the Thursday night get together cause about 10 people are over and they get too stay up late and run around while we hang out.

So it was finally time for the kids to go too bed, but one of them wanted too stay up and happened too be by me. He tried his best too get me to play cool uncle, but it was 9 o’clock and Jerome looked tired so I figured it was time for bed. He threw a tantrum and whined at me so Jerome scooped him up and took him to bed.

After he went down, Jerome came back to apologize for his son’s behavior towards me. I said there was no need, I know it was late and his kid was tired. He’s a good kid. Jerome thanked me for backing him up, cause I take the kid’s side alot as a joke. This is where I fucked up.

So I said “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Which is a turn of phrase, nothing to do with race, and Jerome knew, but Jasmine did not apparently and she was standing nearby when she heard me say it.

She gave me an odd look and walked away, I didn’t think anything at the time but another friend approached me a little later and asked me what I said to get Jasmine so riled up cause she was going around telling everyone I called her kids monkeys.

I was fairly offended. I attended their wedding, I’ve known these kids since birth, I buy them birthday and Christmas presents, they call me uncle, I’m at this house once a month, I love this family, what the fuck is this?

So I asked Jasmine if she would be willing to speak with me privately, not wanting to cause a scene and she said no. So I asked why she was telling people I called her kids monkeys in a derrogatory way, when the phrase I used doesn’t have anything to do with that. She tells me she’s never heard that phrase, and it’s likely an old southern racist idiom.

I must admit, I was pretty pissed at this point. I am friends with her and her husband, and I don’t deserve to be treated like this for something misunderstood on her end. I apologized for any offense she might have taken, but she had simply not understood what I said and applied her own context. We went back and forth until I just left. Didn’t say goodbye to anyone, nothing to Jerome, but I wasn’t going to be talked to like this when I did nothing wrong.

It’s the day after, and I’m still annoyed but I haven’t talked to anyone about last night yet. My phone blew up after I left but I’m not responding to anyone right now. Am I in the wrong here? Does Jasmine have a point? I need to know what people uninvolved think cause this is ridiculous to me.

I didn’t feel the need to state this earlier but I am white. Jerome, Jasmine and their kids are not.

UPDATE UPDATE! READ THIS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!: So I just got off the phone with Jerome and I fucked up. So she was drunk as a skunk last night. We all tend to drink lightly at their house cause we all have to drive in the dark and the steetlights are fucky in that neighborhood. But she and Jerome don’t have to drive cause it’s their house. Anyway, I had no idea she was slammed last night and she’s super hung over and embarassed right now. I regret posting this but I can’t delete it. 100% on me. I feel like an idiot. We talked on the phone for like 40 minutes, we’re all ok now. HUGE mistake on my part.