This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/noobvs_aeternvm on 2024-12-25 19:04:53+00:00.

This is part of the anthology started with Best Job I Ever Had. Enjoy!

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-Do you smell rain?

-Why you wanna smell rain when we can smell this awesome kill?

-Speaking of, that’s a lotta kill.

-Yeah, so much awesomeness!

-Do you see any rain cloud?

-Bro, what’s with you and rain?

-They took the fire inside.

-So?

-Have they ever done this before?

-They never dug a huge ass hole till a few days ago, did they?

-They didn’t.

-And you kept asking your dumb ass questions while we were digging, didn’t you?

-I did.

-Then what happened?

-We got a mammoth.

-Yeah, bro. We got a freaking mammoth!!!

-After a whole day cashing it.

-Yeah.

-And several more guarding the carcass.

-Yeah.

-And we haven’t eaten any of it yet.

-Patience, bro. Our wait is almost over.

-How can you tell?

-The naked apes hunt the kill, burn the kill and share the kill. That’s how it’s always been.

-But always outside.

-We got a mammoth, bro. We got a huge, damn, juicy mammoth! Can’t you just be happy about it?

-Just saying, dude. If we knew what the naked apes were up to, we could be of better use, maybe find a way to get there faster.

-You think you’re smarter than the naked apes?

-Not saying that, but the pack works better if everyone is in on the plan.

-Whatever, bro. You go out there smell rain, I’m staying here smelling this awesome kill.

-You just gonna sit there smelling smoke?

-Yeap! I’d smell this the whole day if I could.

A while later:

-Still here, hum?

-Yeap. Found any rain?

-Nope. Noticed anything strange?

-No. Why?

-Really, nothing at all?

-Bro, spill it out.

-We’re not eating!!!

-Yeah. So?

-Dude, how long will they let it burn???

-Don’t know, bro. That’s a lotta kill.

-Dude, you’ve been sitting here since sunrise!

-And…?

-The Sun is way up!

-Bro, keep calm and trust the naked apes.

A little much while latter:

-This, is taking a bit long.

-See?!

-Is there something wrong with the kill?

-Do you smell something wrong?

-I only smell awesome.

-Cuz there’s nothing wrong with the kill. Something’s wrong with us!

-You’re crazy!

-Dude! The naked apes are not sharing the kill. We screwed up!

-Like where?

-I don’t know! That’s why I ask questions, so we don’t screw up in the first place!

-You’re imagining things! Something’s up with that kill, I’m gonna check it out.

“Shhhhhhh!”

-Shhh?

-See, dude? They’re telling us to stay away from the kill!

-But… but… We’ve been goodbois!

-Obviously not!

The sun is out. Floo-Hoe is sat, letting out a faint cry into the skies, while Poopiu is frantically walking in circles.

-We messed up! wE mEsSeD uP!! WE MESSED UP!!!

-Pleeeeeeeeease! We learned our lesson, whatever the lesson is!!!

-Linda will never let us snuggle with her pup again!

-Pleeeeeeeeease! We’ll be goodbois! Let us have a share of the kill!

-Worse! She’ll have us snug it all the time, as fur coats!!!

-Pleeeeeeeeease! Just a tiny little bite!

-We’re too young, pretty and one of us too smart to be stabbed to death!

-Pleeeeeeeeease! We’ve been drowning on this smell all day! Let us have a piece before we die!

A naked ape walks into the tent. Poopiu quickly moves to follow it, before once again being shushed away. With its bare paws, it takes a tiny piece of the kill and chews it for a long while. After letting out a low growl of satisfaction, it brings its paws to the kill once again and takes a large chunk out of it.

Leaving the tent, it splits the kill’s chunk into two smaller ones, placing them in front of the two friends. For a single moment, they look at each other. Then, their heads teleport to it and start to chow it down. 

Almost without being perceived, the naked ape’s paws park over the friends’ heads.

“Goodbois!”

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Tks for reading. More goodbois, gods, faeries and aliens here.