This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/noobvs_aeternvm on 2024-12-25 19:12:17+00:00.

LINKA’RA

Today

11:03

Mark, hi. You know anything about Ba’Rin? I can’t reach him since yesterday 😢 

Yeah, he’s right here. Crashed on my couch 

Why is he on your couch? 😡 

11:04

We were one guy short for poker night, so I kidnaped him for a tiny lil bitty 

You just grabbed him like dat?? 

Sorry, girl. It was a last minute thing, one of the guys couldn’t make it 

Then why didn’t he come home? Why is he on your couch? 🤨🤨

11:05

Don’t worry about it 

I very much do

11:06

It’s nothing 

Mark, stop stalling me! 😡 

11:07

Kay, full disclosure. I might have made an oopsie dosie 

Wat did U do???

I might have given him a small bowl of garlic chips

He’s highly allergic 😮😮😮

Yeap. He sure is.

Is he ok???

11:08

Yeah, yeah. He’s fine now, just need to rest a bit.

Wat do you mean he’s fine NOW? Can I talk to him?

11:09

Doc put him on some pretty heavy meds. Don’t think I can wake him even if I tried

Doc? As in doctor? 😱 How much garlic did you give him? 😵‍💫

Look, I screwed up K? I know dat, no need to tell me

Damn right I’m gonna tell you! You poisoned my boyfriend! 😡🤬😡

I didn’t know K?

How? How didn’t you know of something that can KILL him?! Aren’t you guys friends since forever?

Yeah, but we don’t talk bout dat stuff. 

U R the worst Mark! 😡 Don’t think you 2 will be hanging out any time soon

Look, yell at me as much as you want, just leave the guy be for now K?

Can I see him?

11:10

I don’t think this a good idea

Please 🥹

11:11

Trust me Linka’ra, you don’t wanna

Pretty please 🥹🥹🥹

11:13

Hang on

11:18

Image received  open | download

What on the cursed plane happened??? 😱😱😱

Told’ya you’d not wanna see it

You should have called me! 😭

He didn’t wanna upset you. He knows how bothered you are with that girl from work

You don’t know half of it

Do tell

11:41

Audio message (23min 13s) play | download

11:43

Wow, that’s crazy!

Right?

11:44

So, that’s why he didn’t wanna bother you

Still, you should have texted me, let me know he was staying at your place

He asked me, I kinda forgot

WTF Mark 😤

Ma bad

11:45

I’m coming over

No, no need. Now it’s just wait the meds do their thing. Look, why don’t you bake him some of dat pie he likes, while I watch over the big guy? When he’s good to go, I’ll drive him home.

That’s the least you can do after almost killing him! 🤬

Yeah I know. So, deal?

Right, I’ll be waiting

Cya soon 👋

BA’RIN

Today

11:45

Bruh, where r u? Yo girl is beyond pissed! I, and a certain AI image generator, managed to get her off your scent, but I need to drive you home or ur in BIG TROUBLE. Call me as soon as you see this, dude

Meanwhile:

“Alright Ba’rin, no need to panic. Yes, your phone is dead, your hovercraft is dead and you’re on a forgotten road in the middle of nowhere with no food or water, but soon enough someone will miss you and come looking for you.”

___

Tks for reading. More primate bros here.