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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/Chance-Flounder741 on 2023-08-11 20:30:18.

I was seeing this guy for over a year. (I thought) We had developed trust, intimacy, and comfort over the time we saw each other. I’m 22 and he just turned 30 a couple months ago. We also had really similar sexual drives and interests and kinks. I’d see him pretty often, usually at least once or twice a weekend, but sometimes only twice a month. We went on dates too, usually a pool bar or arcade bar, sometimes movies, sometimes just walked around talking. But the main thing we did was have sex. We usually went for at least 1 hour, sometimes up to 6. We went to a shibari class to learn how to tie eachother up. I healed some of my sexual issues with him since he was so caring, passionate, and kind to me. He always tried hard to make me orgasm which was nice and obviously very pleasurable but also new to me, I haven’t experienced that with my previous partners. He’d tell me that I was probably the best he’s ever had (as in the most compatible) and that it was crazy how good it felt every time we saw eachother.

All of that feels like its come crashing down since things ended. A couple weeks ago I found out he was married the entire time. The entire year I saw him, whenever he left my place, he went back home to sleep beside his wife. That’s so repulsive to think about. His wife contacted me recently calling me a bunch of names, told me that I probably actually knew he was married before she told me (I didn’t, I had NO idea until we spoke), and that I’m a hoe and no better than a prostitute. I was honestly shocked by the call since the first time we spoke a couple weeks ago, when she asked me how I knew him and I asked her the same, we had a very civil and normal conversation. So I’m guessing that he told her those things about me. Which is very very hurtful since I really trusted that man. But also not surprising since he’s apparently the type to hide his wife and lie about her existence. If he’d do that to her, of course he’d do it to me.

I don’t get how he could do all those things with me and then talk about me like that? It’s making me feel super insecure. I don’t know how I’m supposed to enjoy sex again, it might be ruined for me. Like I totally and completely trusted him, in the entire year he never hurt me or pushed my boundaries or made me feel violated. He gave me reassurance and we tried new things together. Meanwhile the whole time I’m just the young freaky hoe to him? The whore who never says no? The reason I enjoyed sex with him so much is because I trusted him and felt real intimacy with him. And that was all fake this whole time? How do you know when it is real? Honestly I can’t imagine enjoying sex in the same way again which is devastating to me since I am a pretty sexual person. Even masturbating doesn’t feel as good lately.