This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad_Welcome2736 on 2023-08-11 18:33:26.

Throwaway because I have IRLs on my main. Longtime lurker, first time poster. I wouldn’t be writing this if the opinions of the people in my life weren’t so split, but here goes.

I (29f) am getting married to my fiancé “Tim” (30m) next year. I’ve only just begun shopping for a potential dress, but this is where the problem arises.

Tim’s grandmother “Mary” is in declining health. Based on what I know about her prognosis (it’s terminal) she’ll most likely live another year or two before she passes, so she might not be able to attend Tim and I’s wedding. Mary was a seamstress when she was younger, and apparently it’s become a family tradition to let her hand-make the wedding dresses for the women in Tim’s family.

Recently, Tim’s mother came to me and asked me when I would be available to meet with Mary to discuss my dress. I was sort of surprised because no one asked me if I wanted to uphold this tradition, they just assumed I would, but I was nice about it and met up with Mary to talk about the dress. I figured it couldn’t hurt.

When I met with Mary, she showed me pictures of the dresses she had made in the past and asked me which one I’d like. The problem is that none of the dresses she’d made in the past were my style—they were very old-fashioned, frilly, and just overall not for me. I had brought some pictures of dress styles I like, but when I showed them to Mary, she scoffed and said she doesn’t know how to make those styles and that her dresses were much better than the “modern trash” I had showed her.

I didn’t want to argue with her, so I just made up some excuse and left. I later contacted Tim’s mother and said that I appreciated the offer, but I wanted to purchase my own wedding dress.

That’s when shit hit the fan. Tim’s mother showed up at our house and started screaming that I was being extremely disrespectful for refusing such a generous gift. She said that it was Mary’s “dying wish” that she be able to make the wedding dresses for all the women in the family and I’m basically spitting on her future grave by refusing it. It’s true that she made the dresses for Tim’s mother, aunt, sister, and female cousins, but I don’t see why I should sacrifice feeling beautiful on MY wedding day for the sake of completing the set, so to speak.

Tim intervened and told his mom to leave, but since then all his relatives have been constantly spamming my phone telling me I’m selfish for putting my own feelings over the happiness of a dying woman. Tim has stood by me and said he’ll tell his relatives to fuck off if I want, but some of my own relatives have said I should just suck it up and wear the dress Mary makes because it’s “not that big a deal” and it’ll make Mary be able to die with no regrets.

So AITA?