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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA_mortgage1 on 2023-08-11 23:36:46.
I should’ve really put this edit on the top: I FREAKING AGREED TO BUY HALF THE HOUSE THROUGH FINANCING THE DOWN PAYMENT. Stop with the gold digger/free loader/cake eater nonsense just because you failed to comprehend this post properly
Made a throwaway because he follows me.
I am 26F and my boyfriend is 28M. We have been together since one year now. He has a high paying job and so do I. He purchased a house against a loan 2 years ago (before we met) and so he needs to pay off his mortgage.
I live in an rented apartment by myself so finances are not an issue for me. The next step for us is to move in. His house is nicer and is in the central part of the city and my lease is ending in December this year.
We have been having arguments regarding some financial decisions. He wants me to pay “rent” (half his mortgage) to move into his house. His reasoning is that it’s no different than paying rent to a landlord for having a roof over my head.
I countered him and told him something like this: First, you are using the term “rent” to disguise the fact you want me to pay towards your mortgage, extorting me. It’s YOU who builds assets and YOU who gains from this deal by having ONLY YOURSELF on the deed and not me, when I pay the exact amount as you through “rent”.
Considering we date for long term (he and I don’t want marriage) it’s me who gains nothing from investing in this property in the event we break up. I was really fiery when I told him that this isn’t a fair trade because we both are supposed to be partners and I made it VERY clear I would not pay rent UNLESS I am at least part owner of the house somehow.
When he countered again with his subterfuge logic about landlord-tenant relationship, I said: If we were both to rent a place TOGETHER and pay rent to a landlord, that would be different because it’s not like one of us is getting a name on the deed and gaining any benefits. So it’s fair and equitable.
This isn’t me being greedy, this is me honouring my principles and ensuring I am not financially taken advantage of.
Edit: Frankly, I knew someone who paid rent towards a house owned by someone they were in a relationship with, and they were screwed over financially. When they broke up, this person was left with nothing, while the home owner’s property was more paid off than it was two years ago. I considered this financial abuse and I am not letting that happen to me.
I am ready to take responsibility of comsumables such as bills and groceries (50-50) and I also offered to eventually, retroactively finance all the deposits (insurance, down payment etc) before he met me so I know I’m not being a hypocrite.
I am open to paying rent as long as we both stand as equals.
His face was red by now and he called me a stuck up bitch. I called him greedy and left.
I think he is more upset about the fact that he does NOT get to subsidise his lifestyle through me if it’s not benefitting both of us. And that’s a principle I stand by.
AITA?
EDIT: JUST TO REITERATE IN CASE ANYONE MISSES THIS OUT, I have enough money to contribute towards half of all his deposits, and I offered to do so. If you don’t catch this detail and demonise me for being a “gold digger”, I cannot take your opinion seriously.
EDIT 2: I think some clarifications are needed desperately.
- I can LITERALLY write him a CHEQUE TOMORROW for HALF of the deposits, insurance, taxes etc.
- Please do not confuse partnership with landlord tenant relationship because:
a) I generally don’t sleep with my landlords or pursue a romantic relationships with them.
b) I don’t offer to finance their down payments
Edit: Anyone calling me versions of gold digger/freeloader/cake eater you guys are actual MORONS because YOU didn’t bother reading the whole post, missing the KEY point about my offer to finance his down payments. Get it together y’all! I laugh at people like you