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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/Glowing_Trash_Panda on 2025-01-08 07:55:52+00:00.

So my parents bought the river/stilt house next to their house for me to move into to help me out in a number of ways. That’s super awesome & I’m forever grateful, however, my mother doesn’t like to always think things through & rush them & god forbid you disagree with her. So, it happened that, apparently, I just HAD to get moved to the river house before this recent blizzard hit or the world would fall apart or something.

Ok, fine. But the problem is, is that the previous owner died halfway through renovating the place & it doesn’t have functional water & sewer. But, my mother in her infinite wisdom decides that doesn’t matter & that I can just walk next door to my parents place every time I need to use the bathroom until my dad finishes getting the water/sewer done. She said he would finish it the day or the next after I officially got moved. And then she said the quote that is the title.

Well, I know my dad & that was never gonna happen. And while I’m no stranger to having to piss in a bucket or in a hole in the ground when camping- needing to poop & having to do it in a trash bag in a bucket & then having to deal with that, is something that I just do not want to have to do.

I’ve been here 4 days now & while I tried to not eat/barely eat over the weekend (I got moved Saturday before the storm hit) in hopes my dad would be able to finish the water/sewer (all the outside stuff is done, just needs the inside the house stuff done) on Sunday or Monday- that didn’t happen.

So, I finally had to eat some actual food & not just candy to keep my blood sugar up come Monday & Tuesday cuz I was starting to get super woozy & dizzy. Well, it’s 0100 in the middle of the night now & I woke up with NATURE FRICKEN CALLING.

So I as quickly as I could without having an accident, threw my outside gear on (it’s currently almost 0 Fahrenheit at my house outside) to run over to my parents house next door, only to discover that their door wouldn’t open. The handle would turn but the door wasn’t budging (it was stuck cuz it was frozen) so I proceeded to use my old “cop knock” from my EMS days to get one of them to open up cuz I’m about to shit my pants right there on their porch at this point.

My mom comes & opens the door a second later (thank jeebus) & tries to lecture me on that I didnt need to scare her & dad awake @ 1am, meanwhile I’m running to their bathroom while pulling my pants down & just loudly yelled “I GOTTA F*CKING SHIT & I AINT USING A TRASH BAG!”

After taking care of business, I went to go back to my new house & my mom mentions that maybe she shouldn’t have had me move before the water/sewer was hooked up….

I will continue to not give a f*ck about waking her up at night if I need to take care of business. She said I could come over any time I needed to do so to use their bathroom & it’s not like I can schedule when my body needs to do it’s thing to only happen during normal waking hours. Oh well. Maybe now she might actually start to listen when people try to point out why she shouldn’t rush certain things (it probably won’t happen but a girl can dream).

Edit to add- I’m paying my parents back for this new house once my old house sells with the proceeds left over after the mortgage is taken care of. The new house is a stilt house on a river bank that they got for only 20k, it’s not like they just bought me a house outright to give to me. And the move easily could have waited another week (the old house was completely livable- mom is just irrationally impatient about things & doesn’t listen to others at all when she gets an idea in her head about how things should go)