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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ieatmakeup on 2023-08-12 23:23:02.

I regularly take out the trash without being asked but there are several times I take it after being asked. Typically, my wife will take the bag out of the can while she’s working and put it on the back patio so she can start a new bag if it gets full. This is her ‘subtle’ way of telling me to take out the trash, and if I see it, I move it to the dumpster.

I don’t have an issue with any of this. However, yesterday, unprompted, she says, “I don’t feel like I should have to take out the trash because you’re the man and I’m the woman”. To this I responded with, “I don’t feel like I should have to cook dinner…I don’t feel like I should have to do the laundry…I don’t feel like I should have to take care of the kids…because you’re the woman and I’m the man.” My point was not to signal my unwillingness to do those things, rather to show her how silly it was to use gender stereotypes to divvy up the work. She immediately tore into me about how I don’t see her worth if I’m not willing to take out the trash, how chivalry is dead, etc. I told her I’m happy to take out the trash, literally all the time, I just don’t appreciate her saying certain work is a man’s job. She had to go pick up a grocery order and insisted she bring our 2 year old because ‘it’s her job’.

I tried to talk to her today about it and she’s still upset, thinking that I really do feel like those things should be her job because she’s the woman. Clearly I should have kept my mouth shut and just told her I’m happy to take it any time I can, but something about the way she worded it really bothered me.

Am I the Asshole?