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The original was posted on /r/cfs by /u/theboghag on 2025-01-21 00:38:01+00:00.

Sometimes this feels so surreal. Like, how is this possible? How of all things did THIS happen to me? How did this happen to ME? You read about and hear about people going through the fucking shit and you never for a sake really comprehend that it could be you. It’s wild. Wild. Any able bodied person at any time can become disabled for any numbers of reasons and remain that way. Like a plate that’s been in the cupboard for years and one day it falls and shatters. It was, it was, it was, and then it isn’t. Of all the maladies that might have befallen me, it’s the one that has turned my bedroom into a tomb where I lay and stare at the wall or the insides of my eyelids, feeling the minutes tick away while I think it how much I wanted to hike the Pacific Crest Trail or go on a week’s long road trip around the British Isles or be able to deadlift my own weight or be able to paint my own goddamn bathroom or go on working the job that I loved, or what the fuck ever.

I’m finally to the point where I’m going to have to quit my job and I’m overwhelmed with grief as more and more slips away from me. I enjoy a higher degree of able-bodiedness than many of the people who live with this illness and I’m very grateful for that, but I’m tumbling down a slope toward more and more disability and I don’t know when it will stop.

For now I’m trying to stay grateful for my intensely loving, caring, and supportive husband, my sweet animals who keep me company, and my ability to read books on my Kindle sometimes and talk to strangers all over the world so that I’m not desperately lonely.

It’s all I can do.