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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Soft-Comfortable-174 on 2023-08-21 09:54:55.

My sister Alicia (40f) married her husband John (48m) 11 years ago now. John was a widower with a son who is now 21 and a daughter who is now 19. John’s late wife’s family was still a strong presence in the lives of their grandchildren when Alicia met John and it was discussed, and made clear, that John’s son and daughter with his wife were their grandchildren and any future children from John and Alicia would not be regarded as such and would not be entitled to anything from them, the former in-law’s. John’s children also shared their perspective that they would not consider any half siblings the same as they considered their full sibling and they wouldn’t try to share traditions from their maternal family with any half siblings.

I remember my parents and brother (42m) raising concerns with Alicia about her decision to marry into the family with that information. She has always held the view that things change and also that families can never have too many people, especially if she’s involved. Nobody can be liked by everyone but Alicia has always held the belief that people should want her around. We all told her at the time that we hoped she was aware of what she was signing up for and she dismissed us.

Now Alicia has three children with John and those kids are now 10, 9 and 7. True to their word, John’s in-law’s from his first marriage do not consider my nieces and nephew as grandkids and they are not included in their family functions. And John’s older children have next to no relationship with their half siblings. I’m not entirely sure on all the details on this but my sister is not happy.

Alicia’s complaints are that her kids are excluded and have never been welcome by John’s in-law’s. That her stepkids have never changed their stance since that conversation and do not treat my nieces and nephew as siblings. That things she considers small, like being included in some kind of book, are denied to her children. It has hurt the children to see their older siblings enjoy this very close family dynamic and not be a part of it. Alicia is enraged by this. She ranted and raved about it and there are things I could not keep up with. But everything she was warned about by our parents, brother and me are now very big issues for her.

This is where I might be TA. I brought up to Alicia that she knew what she was getting into when she married John and that she had been warned by all of our family to reflect and see if it was what she wanted. I told her she doesn’t get to be mad now when everyone laid their intentions out early. I said she can be disappointed things didn’t change. But ultimately she made choices and every choice has a consequence, be it a good or bad one. She accused me of holding her accountable for the shitty behavior of others and said nobody would assume people could be so cold hearted or that kids could hold such strong views from such a young age. She said I was being cruelly unfair to her.

AITA?