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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Human-Vermicelli5535 on 2023-08-21 14:10:51.

I (45m) have a daughter “Lily” (14f). Me and my wife “Marie” (43f) have been separated for over 5 years now and have split custody over Lily, however she prefers to stay with me.

I’m not sure if it is cultural, but my wife and her family have always insisted on Lily to let her hair to grow as they believe the longer your hair are, the more feminine you are and they always took pride in how long their own hair are. Lily followed as she didn’t want to cause a scene. Lily’s hair were going past her thighs.

Lily was staying with me last weekend and when I was about to go to bed I saw her crying while brushing her hair. I have asked what is wrong and it felt as if Lily was having a breakdown. She started to cry harder and told me how much she hates her hair, that it takes her hours each day to brush through them due to how thick they are and how hot and tired it makes her feel, I’m not even mentioning styling them. She also told me how she wants to dye them, but Marie would not let her do this as it would ruin her hair and is a “bad taste”. I have hugged her and told her not to worry and I will think of something.

I have called my sister and explained the situation to her, she organised an appointment for next day with her hair stylist to look at Lily’s hair and do something with it. So the next day I took Lily to the hair saloon, where she had her hair cut (she chose a long bob?) so her hair are now just about reaching her shoulders with the rest of the hair donated. She also had some highlights done which made Lily super happy.

When Lily got home Marie called me immediately and said I am an asshole and what have I done to our daughter. She and her whole family started berating me for it and making horrible comments about Lily, so she ended up coming back to me and is staying with me. Marie took it to social media saying I am a horrible father that “have stripped my daughter out of her womanhood and femininity”. Even my parents called me about it and said I shouldn’t have taken Lily to the hairdresser without discussing it first with Marie.