This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Famous-Throaway-922 on 2023-08-21 20:29:22.

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years. We had a really hard time conceiving, but after a few years of trying we finally got pregnant. We told our family the news, and told them the baby names we had picked: Violet for a girl, and Carson for a boy. We unfortunately lost the baby in the second trimester. Then we experienced two more miscarriages (both in the first trimester), and went through a couple more rounds of failed IVF. It was a very difficult and traumatic time for us.

We visited my family over the 2022 winter holidays, and my sister announced that she was pregnant. I was genuinely happy for her, until she told us the names they’d chosen: Violet for a girl, Carson for a boy. I took her aside and told her that I was very happy for her pregnancy, but hurt and confused that she would choose our baby names, especially with everything we’ve been through. And she basically said, “don’t try to pull the miscarriage card on me, you can’t call dibs on a name.”

I tried talking to her a couple more times about it, but each time she’d say things like “you might never have kids, you can’t just keep those names in reserve forever,” and was just so hurtful. I stopped bringing it up for the sake of keeping the peace, and after a few months she told my parents she wasn’t going to use either of those names. But wouldn’t tell anybody what name they HAD chosen.

Fast forward to a couple months ago, and she gave birth to her baby girl: Violetta Karsyn. And I’m just so hurt.

I found out in the early spring that I’m pregnant, and I’m far enough along now that the doctors feel pretty good about everything, and we let our families know last month. My mom and her friends have planned a baby shower, but I told her I do not want my sister invited. My mom said I’m being an AH for not inviting her over the baby name, but at this point it’s not even about the name to me anymore. It’s the malicious comments, the lack of compassion, and the overall pettiness.

So tell me, good people of Reddit: Am I the asshole for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?

(For further context, prior to this my sister and I were decent terms. She’s always been competitive and attention seeking, and growing up she’d find ways to one-up me or make my special occasions, like my birthday party or HS graduation, all about her. But NEVER to this extent.)