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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/InitialLandscape on 2025-02-04 01:07:58+00:00.
These were always on display in my local tobacco store where i’d often pass by. The nice display cases and fancy metal tubes just drew me in for some reason…
One day, after getting a new job (hard work with overtime every day, but the pay was GOOD), i decided to give myself a little reward! I thought about dads in the old days, handing out cigars in the hospital after their newborn entered the world, or the big boss of the company offering you a big, fancy, CIGAR for your promotion! And it was decided, i was feeling classy, so i was having a goddamn CIGAR!
Walked into that store, and asked the owner for a nice beginners cigar, the same way I’d ask the guy of the wine department for a bottle of red that was a gift for someone who doesn’t really drink wine. Good wine, but nothing too fancy.
I don’t remember the brand, but it came in one of those sweet metal tubes, so i was happy!
I’d smoked a LOT of weed before, so what’s a little nicotine compared to weed? Right? Oh boy…
Spent a while just sniffing and admiring it, before i practically butchered it when cutting of the end. I lit it, and took a walk outside. I was feeling on top of the world!
I knew that the smoke was “strong”, and that you weren’t supposed to inhale TOO MUCH of it. So I’d take a puff, keep it in my mouth, and blow it back out. Every two or three puffs I’d actually inhale it tho.
I was about a third into that cigar before i realized that i made a huge mistake…
When i stopped walking to enjoy the view, and the world kept moving despite the fact that i stopped moving, i knew something was terribly wrong.
I speed-walked back to my house, and what followed were several hours of total madness…
The feeling of the world still moving, turned into the world spinning. Now THIS feeling i knew, from drinking lots of alcohol to impress your buddies.
Laying on my bed, thinking “not gonna throw up, not gonna throw up, not gonna throw up…” Fuck it, i gotta throw up!
Vomited my guts out for half an hour! It was exactly the same as with alcohol! Except alcohol has the common decency to have you pass out after throwing up. But not with nicotine poisoning, oh no… You’re present during the entire ride buddy!
There was nothing left in my stomach, but i kept dry heaving. I’m what you would call a loud vomiter. My neighbors probably thought i was dying or something.
It’s been years since this happened, so to me it felt like it lasted for hours. But maybe it was just an hour? I can’t remember.
And then it finally stopped… I threw what was left of satan’s middle finger in the garbage and went to bed.
TL;DR: Bought a cigar without knowing what the fuck i was doing, inhaled too much, got nicotine poisoning and puked my guts out.